


death doesn't discriminate (between the sinners and the saints)

by TooNerdyToHandle



Series: Apocalypse!Verse [2]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Apocalypse, Character Death, Children, Children In Danger, Crew as Family, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Lots of children, M/M, Occasional fluff, Serious Injuries, bullshit medical information, dad chris and dad phil, firearm usage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-12
Updated: 2018-03-12
Packaged: 2019-03-29 18:17:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 36,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13932606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TooNerdyToHandle/pseuds/TooNerdyToHandle
Summary: For everyone that survives, their lives become split into Before and After. Before, things are good. Things are great, really. But after is it's own hellscape. After is worrying how many more days they're going to make it. After is the feeling of just maybe being among the last hand full of people alive. After is losing everything. After is losing everything and picking up the pieces, and hoping the pieces stay together.The pieces don't stay together. Not forever.





	1. Before

**_8, 453 Days Before_ **

 

Honestly, Chris feels a little like puking. Which is stupid, this is an intro level class for crying out loud. But he is across the country from the only town he’s ever known, and this is his first real actual college class. He doesn’t  _ feel  _ homesick but then again he’s never  _ been  _ homesick before so maybe he is. His brain wonders  _ why the hell this even matters _ , making Chris shove down the risk of bile going everywhere and get a notebook out of his bag. The panic reintroduces itself when Chris realizes he has failed to bring anything to write with. 

He cusses a blue streak under his breath, digging through his bag once more to ensure that, yes, he really is this big of an idiot. A finger taps his shoulder, and he nearly jumps straight out his skin. He definitely feels his ass leave his seat. He sighs and cusses again, this time only in his head. There’s no shot in hell no one saw  _ that _ . Hoping there’s still a sliver of his pride left intact, he lifts his head and looks in the direction of where his brain supposes the finger originated. A floppy-haired brunette is sitting directly to his right is looking at him with the brightest blue eyes Chris has ever seen, one cocked eyebrow, and an amused expression. He holds a pencil out to Chris. 

“Need one of these?” he asks. Chris nods sheepishly, accepting the offer and taking the pencil. 

“Uh, yeah. Thanks.” The brunette extends his hand, still with an amused expression. 

“Phil Boyce,” Phil Boyce says. Chris shakes his hand. 

“Chris Pike,” Chris responds politely, hoping to god this guy doesn’t see him as a complete and total idiot. Phil Boyce smiles, nods, and turns back toward the front. 

Chris’s right side is rarely absent of Phil Boyce from that day forward. 

 

* * *

 

**_7, 062 Days Before_ **

 

Phil really is glad they were able to find a cheap enough apartment for he and Chris that wasn’t ages away from San Francisco. He’s also glad that said apartment is bigger than the dorm room he and Chris have been sharing for three years. He  _ should  _ be glad that having a bigger space means bringing more things from home, but all that means right now is more to unpack. He and Chris have been at it for what seems like ages. Besides, it’s not like they have a ton of furniture anyway. They don’t even have a couch yet, for crying out loud. Phil is exhausted and fairly sure that the sight of another cardboard box might just make him lose it. 

He tosses another empty box into the pile he’s made in the corner and leans back against the wall. “Chris? Can we call it a night?” Phil calls. When his question goes without a response, he sighs and pushes himself off the floor. “Come on, Chrissy, we’ve been at it forever,” Phil says, making his way to the bedroom. “Chrissy,” he sing songs as he he turns into the room. 

But Chris isn’t listening. He’s slouched against some boxes that are yet to be unpacked, asleep. There’s a book open in his hand on the floor, one he must have found while unpacking and gotten distracted by. His glasses are all askew, his heads tilted in a way that cannot be comfortable, and his legs are sprawled wide. He snores quietly anyway. 

Phil really can’t help but stand there and stare. 

_ You’re in love with him  _ his brain supplies. 

Phil can’t help but agree. But Chris is straight. He doesn’t like boys, and he certainly does not like Phil like  _ that _ . Even if he did, what would it matter? Being anything but straight still isn’t widely accepted. It would probably mean wide ridicule for both of them. That was something neither of them needed right now. It isn’t going to happen. 

Not that that changes the fact that Phil is completely in love with his best friend. 

He stands in the doorway for a while longer, just watching. Wishing, just a little. Eventually he sighs, curses himself silently for falling in love with his straight best friend, before moving on and shoving it all down. 

He pulls Chris’s glasses off his face carefully, folds them, and sets them on the one side table they’ve gotten. He grabs the book, uses a receipt in his pocket for a bookmark, and sets it on the table too. Chris doesn’t so much as twitch. 

Phil withdrawals to the doorway again. He watches for a couple more minutes before switching the light off and thinking something along the lines of  _ if only _ . 

 

* * *

 

**_3, 627 Days Before_ **

 

The first time Chris meets Jim Kirk, the boy is a few months shy of four years old and barely comes to a height above Chris’s knees. He’s known Winona for a couple of months now, she had started teaching at the university the beginning of that semester, some level of advanced math that makes Chris’s head spin even as someone teaching physics. They were fast friends, bonding over their similar sense of humor and interest in anything scientific. Chris was aware she had a young son she had brought out her, and that her husband had died so she was raising him alone. He had never met said son, though, at least not until today. 

He goes to Winona’s room to kill time between lectures, per their usual on Thursdays. However, when he strolls through the door, he’s greeted by the sight of a small blonde boy standing on his tiptoes on a chair to scribble on Winona’s whiteboard that spans the front of the classroom. The boy turns to investigate Chris’s presence, and Phil quickly loses the competition of having the brightest blues Chris has seen. 

“Mama, who’s that?” the boy asks in a voice much clearer than Chris would peg a kid his age of having. He doesn’t seem to be alarmed by Chris’s presence, just curious. Winona’s head pops up from grading papers, looking to Jim first and then to Chris. She smiles. 

“That’s Chris, honey. Chris this is Jim,” she informs the two of them.

“Hi, Chris,” Jim says politely. Chris smiles. 

“Hi, Jim,” Jim smiles back for a moment before turning back to whatever he’s trying to create on the whiteboard. Chris remains standing in the doorway. Winona lets him for a moment. 

“Well, are you going to come in and sit down or not? He’s not going to bite you, Chris,” she teases, gesturing to Chris’s usual spot in front of her desk. Chris gives a sheepish smile and walks to his usual seat, plopping down. “The babysitter cancelled literally five minutes before I went to walk out the door,” she explains. “But we’re having fun, right?” Jim turns toward her and nods excitedly with a grin. Chris smiles. 

“Yeah!” Jim assures her before turning back to the board again. 

“My students certainly think he’s the cutest thing ever. I don’t think I actually taught anything this morning,” Winona says, leaning back in her chair and watching Jim. 

“He’s got some blue eyes that’s for sure,” Chris says, watching Jim as well. Winona sighs happily. 

“That he does.” 

 

* * *

 

**_2, 859 Days Before_ **

 

Chris tosses his glasses onto his coffee table in defeat, finally giving into the headache pounding at his forehead. He had every intention of finishing this book tonight, but it just wasn’t going to happen. He abandons it on the couch cushion next to him. A glance at his watch tells him it’s nearly six, and his stomach tells him it’s nearly time for dinner. He’s about to get up to search for leftovers in his fridge when his phone starts to buzz on the coffee table. He doesn’t bother checking the caller ID and just answers. 

“Hello?” 

“Hey, Chris,” Phil’s voice greets him at the other end. He sounds… off. 

“Everything okay?” Chris asks, getting up and walking into his kitchen. 

“Not really, no,” Chris pauses in front of his sink. Phil sighs. “There was an accident, a drunk driver,” Phil pauses and takes a deep breath as if to collect himself. Chris frowns deeply at his faucet. “Chris… A drunk driver ran a stop sign and hit Winona and her boy.” 

“Are they all right?” Chris asks, as his stomach drops, already knowing the answer. 

“Winona was killed on impact,” Phil tells him gently. Chris grips the counter with his free hand, trying to steel himself. “I’m sorry, Chris. I’m so sorry.” Winona had been his friend. It’s a hard blow, and Chris isn’t all that sure how to process it. 

“What about Jim?” Chris asks, ignoring the shake in his voice. 

“Nothing too serious. He broke his wrist, but it was a clean break so he’ll be alright. Some bumps and bruises. No concussion, which is good. He’s why I’m calling actually.” 

“What?” 

“They brought a social worker in to talk to him and get things sorted. All the family he has are out east. The social worker asked him if there was anyone here he could stay with while they got in contact with his family, and he said your name. I said I would call you. You don’t have to come if you don’t-” 

“Be there in ten,” Chris says. 

Phil greets him at the ER entrance. They hug before they do anything else. 

“I’m sorry,” Phil says again. Chris says nothing, just settles his head onto Phil’s shoulder. They stand that way for a few minutes before Chris pulls away. 

“He knows?” Chris asks, knowing Phil will know what he’s talking about. Phil nods sadly. 

“He knows. The social worker told him.” Chris nods. 

“Okay.” 

Phil leads him back to where they’re keeping Jim. The social worker stands and introduces himself, but Chris’s brain fails to retain his name. He and Phil leave Chris alone with Jim, the social worker promising to come back in a few minutes and explain the situation to Chris. 

“Hi, Chris,” Jim says when they’re left alone. His eyes are puffy and red, and his left wrist is wrapped in a bright yellow cast. 

“Hi, Jim,” Chris says coming to sit on the edge of the hospital bed. 

“My mom died,” he says in a tone that Chris can’t quite read. He knows Jim understands, though, because Jim is probably the smartest kid Chris has ever met. 

“Yeah. Yeah, I know.” Jim’s bottom lip begins to quiver and he flings himself onto Chris, burying his face into Chris’s chest and wrapping his arms around his middle. Chris sighs and shifts further onto the bed, pulling Jim into his lap and wrapping his arms around him. 

When Chris returns home late that night, it’s with a five-year-old in tow. For the time being, he’s Jim’s guardian, until someone in his family can be contacted and agrees to take him in. Phil comes too after his shift ends, per Chris’s request. Chris has just finished putting Jim to bed in the spare bedroom when he arrives. They hug again, and this time everything finally starts to sink in. Chris sobs into Phil’s shoulder until he feels almost numb. He stands with Phil’s arms around him for a few more minutes anyway. 

When they finally separate, Phil offers talking, but Chris has no idea what to say. Phil understands, though, because it’s Phil. Phil makes himself comfortable on the couch, and Chris goes to his room. He lies in bed for a while, staring at the ceiling, wondering what the hell he’s supposed to be doing right now, what he’s supposed to be feeling. Eventually he rolls over, curls into a ball on top the blankets, and somehow finds it in himself to sleep. 

 

* * *

 

**_2, 858 Days Before_ **

 

Chris wakes up feeling like complete and utter shit. His head is pounding, his throat hurts, and his chest aches. His alarm clock reads five minutes after two. He had been hoping to sleep through this absolute hell of a night, but apparently what little luck he had had in his body has run out. He rolls out of bed with the intention to get a drink, and nearly trips over a small body. 

Jim has brought his blankets and pillows into Chris’s room and curled up in a tight ball next to the side of the bed Chris had been sleeping on. Chris frowns, and squats down next to him, shaking his shoulder lightly. 

“Jim?” he asks softly when a sliver of blue peeks out from between Jim’s eyelids. “Whatcha doin’, buddy? Why are you sleeping on the floor?” Jim’s eyes open wider, and the look in them makes Chris’s heart want to break in two. 

“I didn’t want to be alone,” he mumbles sleepily. Chris’s frown deepens.

“That doesn’t mean you have to sleep on the floor, Jim. You wanna come up on the bed with me?” Jim’s little head nods. “Okay, come here,” Chris says, holding his arms open. Jim sits up and finds his way into them, wrapping his arms around Chris’s neck. Chris sighs and stands, picking Jim up. Jim lays his head on his shoulder. Chris tosses back the blankets on the bed, and maneuvers under them with Jim. 

“You still have your jeans on,” Jim tells him, loosening his arms from around Chris’s neck and scooting away ever so slightly. 

“I know. It’ll be okay,” Chris tells him, despite the fact that he really hadn’t known. Jim nods and closes his eyes again. 

“Goodnight, Chris.” 

“Night, Jim.”  

 

* * *

 

**_2, 851 Days Before_ **

 

“So what happens now?” Chris asks the man sitting across from him. It’s the same social worker from the hospital, who Chris has now retained his name as Trevor. He’s a few years younger than Chris, apparently fairly new at his job, but he’s good at it and Jim likes him. He’s just informed Chris that none of Jim’s remaining biological family they can find is willing or able to take the little boy in. Trevor sighs, leaning back into his chair and crossing his arms over his chest. 

“He goes into the system. A foster home, maybe a few. He’s still young, that means better chance of adoption. If he’s adopted, then that’s that. If not, he’ll probably go between foster homes until he’s eighteen. You’re technically his guardian right now, but if you want to change that then-” Chris’s mind says  _ well that won’t do _ .

“What if I adopt him? Could I adopt him?” Chris asks, already having his mind made up.

“Yeah, yeah, you could,” Trevor assures him. “It can be a long process, you’re looking at at least a few months, but yeah absolutely.” 

“Can I talk to Jim about it?” 

“Of course. Like I said, you’re legally his guardian right now. Just get with me when you’re ready, and we’ll do what we need to do.” 

They talk a while longer, mostly about how Jim’s doing, before Trevor leaves. Chris goes to the living room where Jim has been playing quietly, and sits down next to him on the floor. Jim looks up and gives him a tiny smile. 

“How’re you doing, pal?” Chris asks him. Jim shrugs his shoulders. 

“Okay, I guess.” 

“I wanna talk to you about something.” 

“Am I in trouble?” Jim asks, setting down the toy car he’d been playing with. Chris smiles. 

“No, you’re not in trouble. Come sit with me,” Chris says, nodding toward the couch. They move the conversation to the couch, turning slightly to face each other. “Have you liked staying here?” Jim nods. 

“Yeah,” he smiles just a little. “I like it when Phil stays, too.” Chris laughs. 

“Oh yeah? You two do get along pretty well.” Jim nods again and frowns, looking down and away. 

“I miss my mom, though,” Jim admits in a small voice. Chris sighs and wraps an arm around Jim, pulling him into his side. 

“I know, pal. I miss her too.”  Jim sniffles and quickly swipes at his eyes. “It’s okay to cry, Jim,” Chris tells him. 

“I know. I just don’t wanna anymore,” Jim tells him in the same small voice. Chris nods. 

“Okay. That’s okay.” Chris pauses, taking a deep breath before continuing. “I wanted to ask you something.” 

“What?” 

“What do you think about staying here permanently?” 

“Like forever?” Jim asks, looking up to Chris with wide eyes. 

“Yeah, like forever. Well until you’re an adult and want to move out, anyway. Do you know what adoption means?” Jim nods, still watching Chris with wide eyes. 

“What would you think about me adopting you?” Jim’s eyes somehow get even wider. “You don’t have to say yes, and if you say no, I’ll respect that. But that means you’d have to go live with someone else, maybe a few somebodies. Trevor couldn’t find anyone in your family that could take care of you.” Chris explains. 

“But you can take care of me, right?” Jim asks. 

“I’ll certainly do my best.” 

“So… You’d be like my dad then?” 

“Kinda, yeah.” Jim grins the biggest grin Chris has seen out of him in the past week. 

“I’d like that,” he says. Chris grins right back. 

“Me too.” 

That doesn’t stop Chris from panicking to Phil that night after Jim is in bed, though. Phil comes over to stay again, because Chris asked him to again. It’s the fourth time that week. 

“You don’t have to do this, Chris. No one is making you do this,” Phil tells him as Chris paces back and forth across the kitchen. 

“I know that, Phil. But I can’t just let him go, either. But I don’t know how to be a fucking dad!” 

“No one does, Chris. Not really, anyway. No one’s going to expect you to be the perfect parent.” 

“Jim might!” Chris runs a hand through his hair, trying to remember how exactly proper breathing works. 

“No, he won’t, because for one thing he’s a damn smart kid. For another, he already knows you and likes you as is. He probably doesn’t  _ want  _ anything else to change,” Phil says calmly. “But at the end of the day,  _ you  _ have to make this decision, Chris.” 

“You’ll help, right?” Phil’s face softens.

“I wasn’t planning on leaving you to handle it all yourself, Chrissy. Of course I’ll help. The Sulu’s have Hikaru and seem to know what they’re doing, I’m sure they’ll be happy to help too. It won’t be just you.” Chris nods, taking a deep breath. 

“Do you think I should do this?” Chris asks, watching Phil for any sign of doubt. He sees none. 

“Do  _ you  _ think you should do this?” 

“What if they turn me down? What if the courts or whatever say no?” Phil sighs. 

“Chris-” 

“I’m serious, Phil! What they say no?”

“They’re not going to say no. You have a good job, a nice house, clean background, steady income. Jim already knows you and loves and trusts you. What else could they want?” Chris sighs, running another hand through his hair. 

“I dunno.” Phil stands up straight from where he’s been leaning against the counter. 

“Let’s get you to bed, yeah? You can sleep on it, and we’ll talk about it more in the morning.” 

Chris helps Phil get the couch ready, and goes up to his room. On his way back from brushing his teeth, he pokes his head into Jim’s room. Jim is spread eagle on the bed on his stomach, one leg sticking out from under blanket. His arm still wrapped in the yellow cast dangles off the side of the mattress. Chris smiles and approaches the bed. He carefully and gently puts Jim’s arm back on the mattress and fixes the blanket to cover his exposed leg. 

“Night, Jim,” he says into the silence. His mind is made up right then and there that if he has any say in it, Jim isn’t going anywhere any time soon. 

 

* * *

 

**2, 827 Days Before**

 

The first time Chris returns to his usually eatery, it’s five minutes after closing, he isn’t even hungry, and he has Jim in tow. Areum Sulu gives him shit for not turning up in over a month, then makes him coffee the way he likes it, loaded with sugar. Jim gets a small bowl of ice cream and apparently lessons on how to tease Chris mercilessly. Chris doesn’t mind though. Jim is  _ laughing  _ which Chris hasn’t heard since the accident. Some kind of fear the had settled in Chris’s stomach loosens itself, if only just a little. It’s a step toward normalcy. 

This carries on for perhaps ten minutes. Chris sits back and takes it, figuring this is revenge for more or less dropping off the radar for a month. Areum is asking Jim about his experience so far with Chris when Jim peers curiously over Chris’s shoulder into the kitchen. 

“Who’s that?” he asks, looking between Chris and Areum. Areum smiles and leans back away from the table. 

“Hyeon?” she calls. 

“Yeah?” comes the reply from the kitchen as a faucet comes on. 

“Just checking!” Areum leans back into the table, smiling at Jim. “Just my husband,” she explains. Jim nods, returning to his ice cream.

“Where’s the miniature version?” Chris asks. 

“Ah, Hyeon’s clone. I’m sure he’s in there too. He’s noticed you’ve been missing in action too, Christopher,” Areum tells him. Chris gives a sheepish smile. “No disappearing on us again, yeah?” 

“Yes, ma’am.” Areum gives a satisfied nod. 

“Good,” she gives Chris a genuine smile, not a mischievous one like she usually does. “I think I might’ve missed you a little.” Chris laughs into his coffee. 

“Thanks, I appreciate the sentiment.” 

“You never did tell me how pretty boy is,” Areum says with that pseudo-sweet smile she seems to have perfected. Chris groans. 

“Phil is fine, thanks. He’s got an ER shift tonight. He’s supposed to text me when he-” a wet washcloth collides with the back of Chris’s neck before flopping onto the floor. Chris must have missed the faucet in the kitchen turning off again. He doesn’t even have to turn around to know where it originated. “Hi to you too, Hyeon.” Jim watches over Chris’s shoulder. 

“I think he’s mad at you,” Jim tells Chris matter of factly. 

“Only a little,” Hyeon says, sounding mostly sincere. Mostly. “That’s why the washcloth was a clean one.” 

“Wow, thanks,” Chris says sarcastically, accepting a napkin from a highly amused Areum to wipe his now wet neck. 

“ _ You’re  _ the one who barely said a word for a month.” 

“I did speak to you, Hy.” 

“Mhmmm, but not as much as usual,” Hyeon says as he comes around the counter. “I’m a little offended, Chrissy.” Jim watches Hyeon pluck the washcloth off the floor before looking back to Chris. 

“He’s mad at you,” Jim clarifies. Chris can’t help but to laugh a little. 

“Yeah, Jim, I know. I promise he’ll get over it.” 

“But I’m going to have to listen to him whine about it until he does,” Areum says, looking around Chris to give Hyeon a pointed look. 

“No idea what you’re talking about,” Hyeon claims, tossing the washcloth onto the table. He looks to Jim and gestures to the empty seat next to him. “Mind if I sit down?” Jim smiles and shakes his head. Hyeon smiles back and sits down, making a point to kick Chris in the shin when he does so. 

“You little..” Chris starts, but Hyeon just ignores him, smiling at Jim. 

“Hi, Jim, I’m Hyeon,” Hyeon says, holding out a hand to Jim. Jim grins back and shakes his hand as best he can. 

“Where’s your son, Hy? I like him  _ much  _ more than you,” Chris asks, earning a scoff from Hyeon. 

“That’s funny considering you and Areum and Phil swear he’s the four-year-old version of me,” Hyeon tells him with an over dramatic eye roll. “He said he’s not coming out here.” 

“Of course not, Jim’s out here,” Areum says. As Jim’s face drops a little she adds; “Oh, it’s not your fault, sweetheart. Hikaru’s shy.” Jim looks to Chris for confirmation, who nods in return. 

“I’ll get him out here, don’t worry,” Chris assures them. He leans back in his chair and angles his head back toward the kitchen. “Hikaru, if you wanna talk to me you have to come out here!” There’s a small pause. 

“Don’t wanna,” comes the quiet reply. 

“Jim’s not going anywhere anytime soon, Karu. You’re gonna have to get used to him,” Hyeon chimes in. Jim stretches in his seat trying to see back into the kitchen.

“Please?” Chris tries again. There’s another pause. 

“Okay, that means you have to come past the counter not stand next to it, pal,” Hyeon says with an amused expression. Jim smiles in what must now be Hikaru’s general direction. Chris turns in his seat to look back to the counter. He makes eye contact with Hikaru, who immediately smiles despite himself. It’s a perfect replica of Hyeon’s smile. 

“Well come here, then,” Chris says with a small grin, holding his arms open. Hikaru finally steps around the counter completely and quickly finds his way into Chris’s arms, standing on his tiptoes to put his arms around Chris’s neck. 

“Sometimes I think he likes you more than he likes either of us,” Areum says as Chris pulls Hikaru up into his lap. 

“Because he does,” Chris responds with a smirk. It earns him a swat to the back of his head from Areum. Hikaru keeps his arms situated around Chris’s neck and buries his face there too. 

“So now you’re gonna use Chris to hide, huh?” Hyeon asks. “Jim’s not scary, I promise.” Hikaru offers no reaction. Hyeon sighs, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms over his chest. “Hey, Jim, do you like those little toy car things?” 

“Uh huh,” Jim responds with a nod. 

“Hikaru’s got some pretty cool ones in the back he likes to play with, right, Karu?” Hikaru pulls his head from Chris’s neck just enough to nod. “Maybe you and Jim could go play with them then?” That gets Hikaru’s attention, even if it is just to give Hyeon a look that says  _ Are you crazy? _

“We’ll be right out here,” Areum promises. Hikaru looks to Chris for help. 

“You’ll be fine, kid. You and Jim will get along just fine,” Chris tells him, patting his back. “Besides, I need to talk to your mom and dad, okay?” Hikaru heaves a sigh and reluctantly releases his hold on Chris, sliding off his lap to plant his feet on the floor. Jim scrambles from his chair with a grin. Hikaru offers Chris another look asking for help. 

“It’ll be okay, pal,” Hyeon tells Hikaru. “We’ll be right out here the whole time, I swear.” Hikaru gives a resigned nod, returning to where he came from, Jim on his heels this time. As soon as they’re gone, Hyeon stands and steps around the table looking at Chris. “Get up,” he says. 

“What?” Chris asks, raising an eyebrow. 

“Up, Christopher. You know, standing?” Chris rolls his eyes, standing from his chair and stepping to stand in front of Hyeon.

“Yeah, I know how to-” Hyeon cuts him off by pulling him into a hug, catching Chris just a little by surprise. He returns the gesture anyway. “I thought you were mad at me for not talking to you?”

“Maybe a little.” 

“Then this is for…?” 

“Because I’m proud of you, Chrissy. For what you’re doing.” 

“I have  _ no  _ idea what I’m doing. And it’s not a definite yet,” Chris says quietly. 

“Seems to me like you’re doing just fine. Jim seems pretty happy,” Areum tells him as Hyeon releases the hug. “And you know that if you need anything you can just ask.” 

“I know, I know, I just…. I don’t know how to raise a kid.” 

“What, and you think we had any clue before we had Hikaru? Look at him, he’s fine,” Hyeon says, waving a hand dismissively as he sits back down. “There’s no completely correct way to raise a kid, Chris.” Chris flops back down into his own chair. 

“A lot of wrong ways, though,” Chris mumbles. 

“It’s been a  _ month _ . You have to give yourself and Jim time to figure things out. But judging by the way he looks at you, you’re doing just fine already,” Areum assures him. Chris sighs heavily. 

“Jim’s… Jim’s been through a lot already, and he just turned six. Six-years-old and he’s already lost both of his parents. I don’t want to mess him up even more. He deserves to have a good, happy life after all the shit he’s been through.” 

“You are not going to mess him up, Christopher. You’re helping him. Speaking as someone who also went through a lot of bullshit; he needs as many good people around him as possible. You fall into that category. And Areum’s right, you're doing fine. Especially considering the only times you've spoken to me in the past month is when you've been panicking about such,” Hyeon says, making sure to give Chris an amused but pointed look over the last part. 

“Like I said, I have to listen to him whine until he gets over it,” Areum says. 

“My bad,” Chris apologizes with small smile. He gestures to the washcloth. “Were you going to use that for anything or?” Hyeon shrugs and gives Chris a shit-eating grin. 

“Nah. Just wanted to throw it at you.” 

“Asshole.” 

 

Chris spends the next half-hour helping Hyeon and Areum finish closing up for the night, per usual. Areum pokes her head in on Jim and Hikaru at one point, coming back and declaring they’re speaking to each other now. Hyeon groans and throws his head back. 

“God, if they’re friends that means we’re really stuck with Chris,” he says, making sure to include a little dramatic flare in his voice. Chris beans him with a washcloth, nearly knocking the glasses off Hyeon’s face. 

When they finish, Chris notices the time. “Shit, I gotta get Jim home to bed,” he says. 

“You know where to find him,” Hyeon says, flipping the last chair up on the table. 

Chris  _ does  _ find Jim, half-asleep on the floor next to a  _ completely  _ asleep Hikaru, surrounded by the assortment of Hikaru’s toys. Jim gives Chris a small, sleepy smile. “Ready to go?” Chris asks. Jim gives a small nod, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. “Want me to carry you?” Jim just holds his arms up. 

As Chris is carrying Jim back through to kitchen to the front of the restaurant, Jim asks a question despite already starting to fall asleep again. 

“Chris? Can Hikaru come play tomorrow?” he mumbles. Chris grins. 

“Fine with me.” Jim nods against his shoulder. “We’ll ask Areum, though, alright?” 

“What are we asking Areum?” Areum asks Chris right as he comes around the counter with Jim. 

“Jim wants to know if Hikaru can come play tomorrow,” Chris explains. Areum grins. 

“Oh yeah? Did you two have fun, Jim?” Jim nods again. “Of course he can.” 

“He’s asleep on the rug in that back room, by the way,” Chris adds. 

“You’d think that thing was the comfiest bed in the world as much as he falls asleep there,” Hyeon says, already making his way towards the kitchen. “It’s not even soft anymore. See you tomorrow, Chrissy. And Jim!” 

“See you tomorrow, Hy,” Chris says in return while Jim mumbles his own goodbye. Chris sighs, shifting Jim slightly and looking to Areum. “Talk to you in the morning?” Areum nods. “Alright. Let’s head out, Jim.” Chris starts toward the door. “See you tomorrow,” he tells Areum. 

“See you tomorrow,” she agrees. “And Chris?” Chris turns back towards her just before the door. “I’m proud of you, too. Just for the record,” Areum tells him with a small smile. “It’ll be alright.” Chris returns the smile. 

“Thanks, Areum.” 

“Get that boy home, Christopher.” 

“Yes, ma’am.” 

 

* * *

 

**_2, 600 Days Before_ **

 

Chris is under the impression that they’ll have at least ten seconds post walking into the Sulu household before Hikaru realizes they’re there. That ten seconds turns out to be closer to a whole of two seconds. Hikaru is bolting out of the living room before Phil has even shut the door behind them. He greets Jim and Chris first, but the second he spots Phil, Chris and Jim might as well be chopped liver. 

“Uncle Phil!” Hikaru squeals, throwing his arms around Phil’s neck as he crouches to Hikaru’s level. “I haven’t seen you in forever!” Phil laughs, hugging him. 

“It’s only been a little over a week, buddy.” 

“That’s forever!” Hikaru insists before launching into telling Phil what’s been going on since he’d seen him last. Chris just smiles and shakes his head, turning back to Jim. 

“Need help taking your shoes off?” he asks. Jim shakes his head, plopping down onto the floor and tugging at his shoes. “Alright.” 

Chris is still untying his own shoes and pushing them off when Phil passes with Hikaru, Hikaru still talking a mile a minute. Phil seems to be following along just fine, though. Hyeon passes them in the doorway to the living room, ruffling Hikaru’s hair as he does so. Chris quickly notes the absence of glasses on his face. 

“Lost another pair of glasses, didn’t you?” Chris asks as a form of greeting, pulling his other shoe off. “Or did you break them this time?” 

“Maybe I just wanted to wear contacts,” Hyeon says with a shrug. 

“You hate contacts and you only use them when you lose your glasses.” 

“Shut up.” Chris just grins. “Having trouble, Jim?” Chris looks back down to Jim sitting on the floor, who has gotten one shoe off but is struggling to get the other untied. Jim looks up to Hyeon and nods. 

“I can’t get the knot untied,” Jim tells Hyeon. 

“Yeah?” Hyeon asks, kneeling down in front of Jim and sitting back on his heels. “Lay it on me, pal,” he says, patting one of his thighs. Jim gives a small grin and sets his foot still in the shoe onto Hyeon’s thigh. 

“What’s for dinner?” Jim asks, watching Hyeon trying to get his shoelaces undone. 

“Somebody let slip to Areum that you’re pretty into spaghetti right now, so I believe that’s what’s on the menu,” Hyeon tells him, getting the laces untied and pulling Jim’s shoe off. “Boom. There you go, Jim.” Jim grins, scrambling up. 

“Thanks, Uncle Hyeon,” Jim says before disappearing into the living room. A slow grin creeps over Chris’s face as he watches Hyeon sit there in utter confusion. Eventually, he looks up to Chris. 

“Did he just…?” Hyeon asks. Chris nods. “Did you tell him to..?”

“Nope, that was all Jim,” Chris tells him. One of the stupidest grins Chris has ever seen comes across Hyeon’s face. Chris can’t help but laugh. “Pretty good feeling isn’t it?” Hyeon just nods. “Come on, moron,” Chris continues, pushing himself off the wall he’s been leaning on and clapping Hyeon on the shoulder. 

 

*******

 

Even a couple of hours after dinner, Chris is still fairly sure he could burst from how full he is. Apparently Hikaru and Jim are the only ones who don’t feel the same way. They had been romping around the house until roughly ten minutes ago, when Jim crawled up into Areum’s lap and promptly fell asleep with his arms around her neck. Hikaru is beginning to follow the same path, curling up in the space between Chris and Phil on the couch. 

“I think Areum’s stealing your kid,” Hyeon says from his spot next to Areum on the other sofa. Chris just grins. 

“What’s that look for?” Areum asks, ceasing whatever she had previously been humming to Jim. “You’re looking a little dopey there, Christopher.” 

“Nothing. Just…. he’s mine. Really mine now,” Chris says, not losing the grin. 

“Told you it’d be fine, Chris,” Phil says. 

“How come it took so long?” Hikaru asks sleepily. 

“They had to make sure Chris could be a good dad and that he could take care of Jim. Lots of paperwork and stuff,” Hyeon explains. 

“Did you and Mama have to do lots of paperwork for me?” That prompts laughter out of everyone that isn’t Hikaru or Jim. 

“No, Karu. You’re not adopted.” 

“Mama did a lot worse than paperwork,” Areum argues. 

“Like what?” Hikaru asks, sitting up. 

“Let’s  _ not  _ have this conversation right now,” Chris intervenes quickly. 

“Not all kids come readily made, Christopher. There’s some  _ efforts  _ involved in other scenarios,” Areum tells Chris, smirking the entire time. 

“Efforts I don’t need to know about.” 

“I wanna know,” Hikaru insists, now wide awake. Chris is pretty sure Hyeon mumbles an  _ Oh, Jesus Christ  _ under his breath. 

“Not yet, baby,” Areum tells Hikaru, laughing a little. Hikaru huffs, laying back down between Chris and Phil. 

“Well now you’ve offended him,” Phil teases. 

“He’ll be over it when he wants carried to bed in a little bit. Right, Hikaru?” Hikaru buries his face into the couch cushion to hide his smile. 

 

*******

 

When they finally get ready to leave an hour later, half the living room is asleep. Hikaru is curled up in Phil’s lap, head against his chest. Jim’s still asleep in much the same fashion on Areum. Hyeon’s curled himself into the corner of the other sofa and had fallen asleep maybe ten minutes previously. 

Chris is returning from putting his shoes on and grabbing Jim’s when Areum stands from the couch, keeping a hold of Jim as she does so. 

“Awe, Areum, he’s almost as big as you already,” Chris teases. 

“Christopher Pike, I have swords and I know where you sleep. Watch it,” Areum warns. Jim wakes up just enough to transfer his arms from around Areum’s neck to around Chris’s as they pass him off. Areum turns to Phil, who’s waiting patiently holding Hikaru. “Alright, give me mine back.” As Phil passes off Hikaru, Chris takes the few steps to where Hyeon’s curled up on the couch. He nudges Hyeon’s knees with his own. Hyeon grunts in response. 

“We’re leaving,” Chris tells him. Hyeon says something that Chris doesn’t understand. “English, Hy.” 

“See you later,” Hyeon mumbles, not even cracking his eyes open. Chris just smiles, turning back to Phil and Areum.

“Ready to go?” Chris asks Phil. Phil nods. 

“You go get your boy into bed, and I’ll get my boys into bed,” Areum tells him. “Getting lunch from us tomorrow?” 

“I won’t be able to take lunch to him, so yes,” Phil says with a small grin. “If he doesn’t show up, call him and yell at him for not eating.” 

“I would find  _ something  _ to eat,” Chris defends himself. 

“Coffee isn’t food,” Areum grins. 

“Okay, I’m leaving now.”

“You realize I’m walking home with you, right?” Phil asks, raising an eyebrow and smirking. When Chris offers no response other than making his way toward the doorway, Phil and Areum laugh. 

“Good night, Chris,” Areum sing songs as he hits the hallway. There just might be a smile creeping over Chris’s face. 

 

* * *

 

**_2, 147 Days Before_ **

 

Chris is just awake enough to be aware of rolling over when Jim’s shrill voice carries down the hall. 

“ _ DAD!”  _ Chris’s brain doesn’t registar much more than  _ Jim scared hurt in danger _ . He tangles himself in the covers trying to scramble out of bed, and falls into a heap next to the bed. He curses and kicks the blankets away, shoving himself off the floor and making a mad dash out of the room and to Jim’s.

Jim is sitting up in his bed and the light coming in from the window is just enough for Chris to see that he’s in an absolute panic. Tears are streaming down his cheeks, and his breathing barely qualifies as such. Chris sits on the side of the bed next to him and cups Jim’s face into his hands. 

“What’s wrong?” he asks, trying to be gentle but urgent. “Are you hurt?” Jim shakes his head, still sobbing. “Jim, you gotta tell me what’s wrong, pal.”

“You were- You were dead and I couldn’t- I couldn’t do anything and-” Jim breaks off into more panicked sobs. Chris moves his hands to grip his shoulders, something fiercely protective stirring up somewhere. 

“Hey, it was just a dream, okay? I’m right here, I’m fine. I’m not going anywhere,” Chris insists. Jim just leans into him and wraps his arms around him, gripping Chris’s t-shirt. Chris sighs and wraps one arm around Jim and soothes his hair with the other. “Alright, alright. Let it out, kid.” 

Maybe ten minutes later, Jim’s breathing evens out. He pulls away from Chris and looks at him, almost a little embarrassed. Chris wipes the remainder of the tears from Jim’s cheeks and shrugs. “It happens, Jim. All good now?” Jim nods.

“All good,” he hesitates a moment, the slightly embarrassed look returning. “Can you stay in here, though?” 

“Yeah, I’ll stay in here. You gotta scoot if you don’t want me sleeping on the floor though,” Chris says with a small smile. Jim gives a sheepish smile back and scoots toward the wall. Chris starts maneuver himself under the covers and off the edge of the bed when something in his brain clicks. Something warm gathers around his heart and he turns to look at Jim, wearing what is probably an extremely dopey smile. 

“What?” Jim asks, looking incredibly confused.

“You called me dad,” Chris tells him, realizing Jim might not even be fully aware he had done so. Jim looks down so Chris can’t see his face. 

“Is that okay?” he asks quietly. 

“Of course it’s okay.” 

Chris just catches Jim’s small smile as they both move to lay under the covers. A voice in the back of his head, not all that unlike Phil’s says something like  _ No idea what you’re doing, huh?  _ Chris concedes that, yeah, he must be doing something right. 

 

* * *

 

**_1, 996 Days Before_ **

 

Chris is helping Hyeon with the dishes. Hikaru and Jim have disappeared to Hikaru’s room, and Areum is somewhere in the other room. Chris feels like if he doesn’t talk to someone soon, he might just burst. Now’s a good of a time as any. 

“Hy?” Chris starts. Hyeon hums in acknowledgement. “I need to… uh… I need to tell you something.” Hyeon looks up from the plate he’s washing just long enough to raise an eyebrow at him. 

“Alright, go ahead.” 

“I, uh. Um. I….” Chris begins elegantly. Nausea stirs in his stomach.

“You can do it, Chrissy,” Hyeon teases. 

“I… God, I feel like I’m gonna puke,” Chris says, grabbing the counter and leaning into it a little. 

“You take that shit to the bathroom or the trashcan, Christopher. You’re not puking on me or my clean dishes,” Hyeon responds, trying to nudge Chris away with his shoulder. “Better not be what you had to tell me, either.” 

“I’m fine. I think. That’s- That’s not what I was going to tell you. Hyeon, I- Jesus Christ.” 

“No, Chris, you’re not Jesus Christ. Breathe, and tell me what the hell’s going on,” Hyeon tells him, abandoning the plate into the dishwater and turning toward Chris. Chris turns and puts his back to the counters. 

“I think I’m in love with Phil,” he admits quietly. He sits down on the floor in front of counter, leaning heavily against it. Hyeon sits next to him. 

“You think you’re in love with Phil?” he asks in that stupidly gentle voice he seems to pull out of nowhere. Chris nods vigorously. “Why do you think you’re in love with Phil?”  

“”Because… I can’t stop staring at him. I keep noticing stupid little things he does or things about how he looks, stuff that was always there I guess. I could tell you exactly how he holds a fork, Hy. I do things with him that I don’t with you.   _ Feel  _ stuff with him that I don’t with you. I see you and Areum together and I think that that would be nice to have  _ with Phil _ . And then I… dreamt about him,” Chris admits. Hyeon sighs, taking a second to adjust his glasses. 

“Yeah, you’re in love with him,” Hyeon tells him, nodding. Chris groans, leaning his head back into the cabinet. “And Chris?” 

“Yeah?” Chris asks weakly. 

“Literally everyone but you and Phil have known this  _ forever _ .” 

“What?!” Chris bolts back upright. 

“It’s kind of obvious!” Areum calls from the other room, prompting Chris to nearly have a heart attack. 

“You heard?!” he sputters. “You knew?!” 

“She hears everything, Chris,” Hyeon says next to him. “And yeah, we both knew. We have a bet going, actually. You just lost me twenty bucks.” Chris just gapes at him. “I said Karu would be in high school before you dug your head out of your ass.” 

“Which is the second bet he’s lost where this matter is concerned,” Areum says, coming into the kitchen with a smirk. Hyeon just glares. 

“You knew…. And never said anything?” Chris asks, still processing exactly what’s happening. Areum sighs as she sits on Chris’s other side. 

“You needed to figure it out for yourself, Christopher,” she tells him, patting his arm. “You just would have denied it and buried it further if we called you out on it.” Hyeon nods in agreement. “But now you’ve figured it out and you can tell him.” 

“What? No. No way. No way I’m telling Phil,” Chris says without hesitation, shaking his head. 

“Why not?” Hyeon asks, like he’s actually surprised. 

“Why not? The hell do you mean why not?” Chris shoots right back. “Because that’s a terrible idea!” 

“Why?” Areum prompts. Chris sputters for a moment. 

“Because Phil does  _ not  _ like me like that. Phil is  _ not  _ in love with me. I’m not willing to sacrifice my entire friendship with Phil because I caught  _ feelings _ . Even if he did, that’s no guarantee things would actually work out. And if they don’t, then what? What if things go really bad? Then not only do  _ I  _ lose Phil, but Jim does at least partially, and that would wreck him. And Phil and I have basically all the same friends, so what happens there? Like you guys. Do you just choose between me and Phil? It’s not worth it,” Chris explains, possibly rambling just a little. 

“Well, I mean, I would go with Phil but…” Hyeon says with a small grin. Areum leans over Chris to swat his chest. “Ow! Okay, sorry, sorry. Look, Chris, I know this is hard for you to understand but: things don’t always go to shit. It might just work out,” Hyeon assures Chris, taking on a more serious tone. “I know it’s kind of your thing to catastrophize everything, but things  _ do  _ work out sometimes.” 

“Hyeon was scared shitless to ask me out for the longest time,” Areum tells Chris with a small, unusually soft smile. “For some of the same reasons. But, he did, and here we are.” 

“Really?” Chris asks quietly. 

“Yeah, really,” Hyeon confirms. “The world isn’t always working against you, Chrissy. Once in every great while, something works out. I’ve got a feeling this is one of those times.” He nudges Chris with his shoulder. “I think you should tell him.” 

“So do I,” Areum agrees. Chris shakes his head. 

“No, not yet.” 

“Eventually?” Areum ventures hopefully. 

“Maybe. I don’t know.” Hyeon lets out an over dramatic sigh. 

“Fine. I guess that’ll have to work for now.” 

 

* * *

 

**_1, 912 Days Before_ **

 

Chris should not be thinking this hard about ruining a perfectly good night. About ruining Phil’s  _ birthday  _ and possibly their entire friendship. But the fact that he’s in love with Phil is tearing him up, and he’s got to tell someone that isn’t Hyeon or Areum. He’s got to tell  _ Phil  _ because he feels like he’s been lying to Phil for ages now and that leaves a very unpleasant feeling in his gut. He  _ has  _ to do this. The beach is empty, it’s just he and Phil, and Chris figures this is probably a good a time as any. 

“Phil?” Chris ventures quietly. 

“Yeah?” Phil responds turning his head to look at Chris. Chris takes a deep breath, trying to control the panic welling inside himself. 

“I have to… I need to tell you something.” 

“Okay..?” Chris can feel Phil’s gaze on him turning concerned. When Chris fidgets and sputters for what Phil must find to be too long, Phil asks; “Chris, what’s wrong?” 

“I’m in love with you,” Chris blurts. “I am, I have been for I don’t even know how long. And I know that this isn’t fair to you, I know that. I know this isn’t what you signed up for, I mean, Christ, you probably thought I was straight. I did, too.” Chris is rambling, but he doesn’t really care and Phil isn’t interrupting him. “But, Phil, I really am. I’ve never felt this way about  _ anyone _ . I mean, you of all people know how my relationships go. I know this isn’t fair to you, but I had to tell you. God, Phil, it was killing me. I felt like- Like part of me was  _ lying  _ to you. And I don’t particularly enjoy that feeling. I don’t- I don’t expect you to feel the same way, I don’t want you to feel like you have to. If you need space or whatever after this, I get it. If you just want to be done with this whole thing, I understand. I just- I needed you to know,” Chris finishes, nearly out of breath. The only sounds are Chris’s own breathing, and waves lapping up onto the shore. Phil says nothing. When Chris quickly glances over, Phil isn't even looking at him. Chris’s panic rises a few notches. But  _ finally _ , after what feels like an eternity, Phil speaks. 

“Do you remember that day just after we moved out here,when you fell asleep in your room while we were unpacking?” Chris nods stupidly, feeling like his heart’s about to pound out of his chest. 

“Yeah, you put my glasses and my book up for me.” 

“Yeah. Chris, that was the night I realized I was in love with you.” 

Chris’s heart definitely stops. Or at least feels like it. He turns his head to look at Phil. Phil is giving him a soft smile, and there’s tears in his eyes. 

“What?” Chris asks in a hushed whisper. Phil just nods. “That was… That was fifteen years ago, Phil.” Phil nods again. 

“Yeah. It was.” 

“You never said anything?”

“You were right when you said I thought you were straight, Chrissy.” 

“God, Phil…. I’m pretty stupid, aren’t I?” Phil laughs wetly. 

“Maybe a little.” 

Chris isn’t sure who moves in first, or starts the kiss, but suddenly they’re kissing. 

Chris has never kissed anyone like this. 

He’s never  _ been kissed  _ like this. 

Chris has a hand on Phil’s cheek, Phil has one tangled in the hair at the back of Chris’s head that’s getting long for Chris’s liking. 

Chris would be completely fine if this never ended, but eventually Phil pulls away just enough to learn their foreheads together. 

“You really wanna do this?” Phil asks. Chris grins. 

“Absolutely.” Phil grins back. 

“About damn time,” he teases.

They start kissing again, and nothing else really matters.

 

* * *

 

**_1, 149 Days Before_ **

 

Chris is pretty damn confused when another kid that isn’t Hikaru Sulu clamors into his backseat after Jim. Especially when he realizes he’s never seen this kid before in his life. He watches the kid and Jim in the rearview mirror, waiting for them to buckle their seat belts. 

“I thought Phil was getting me today,” Jim says nonchalantly, like there’s not a strange kid in Chris’s car. 

“Uh, yeah, he got called in. I left my lecture a few minutes early to get you,” Chris says, hoping Jim will catch on to the confusion in his voice. He doesn’t. New kid must take note of this; he gives a spectacular scoff and eye roll combination and leans up between the seats, extending a hand to Chris. 

“Leonard McCoy,” he offers in a thick southern accent. “Usually just Len, though,” he carries on as Chris shakes his hand as best he can. 

“Oh yeah! Bones just moved here from Georgia,” Jim finally says. “We’re doing a project together, so I thought he could just come home with us today?” 

“That’s fine, I guess,” Chris says, turning back toward the steering wheel and finally pulling away from the school. “... Bones?” he asks after another moment of thought. 

“He listed off every bone in the human body today in class! Every single one!” Jim says excitedly. 

“Okay, yeah, that’s pretty damn impressive.” 

“It’s really not too hard once ya practice, Mr. Kirk,” Len says dismissively, as if all twelve-year-olds can do that. Chris grins. 

“Not my name, kid. Jim’s adopted, but he kept his last name. It’s Dr. Pike, if you’re looking to get formal. But you’re going to call me Chris, because you’re not my boss or one of my students.” 

“... Oh. Sorry I assumed.” 

“You’re fine, Len. You’re not the first, and I seriously doubt you’ll be the last.” 

“Even teachers have done it before,” Jim offers. “It’s not a big deal; Dad thinks it’s funny.” Jim then swiftly changes the subject, and Chris is fairly sure it might just be to make Len feel less embarrassed. “How come you left your lecture? What about Hyeon or Areum?” 

“Did you just not want me to pick you up today? ‘Cause I can go drop you back off and you can wait for someone else,” Chris teases. 

“No! No, I’m just curious.”

“Areum’s at the restaurant, Hyeon’s home with Hikaru who apparently has been throwing up since last night. Good enough for you, nosey?” 

“He always this nosey?” Len asks. Chris laughs and thinks  _ Good, this kid already knows how to tease Jim _ . 

“He is!” Chris confirms. 

“I am not! I just like knowing things!” Jim argues. 

“That makes ya a little nosey, Jim,” Len says, sounding both amused and a little pleased with himself. 

“Okay, nevermind, I’ll go back and wait on someone else,” Jim responds. 

“Too late now, pal,” Chris laughs. 

Jim groans and Chris hears the soft  _ thump  _ of Jim’s head landing on the back of Chris’s seat.

 

* * *

 

**_1, 141 Days Before_ **

 

“Wait, seriously?” Jim asks, laughing so hard a little bit of ice cream dribbles down his chin. 

“Yeah, seriously!” Phil insists laughing just as hard. “That’s why Chris and and I started living together, his roommate was so mad at him. Granted, that guy was an asshole anyway but,” Phil shrugs. 

“He caught a  _ microwave  _ on fire!” 

“There’s a reason you’ve been primarily fed by me and the Sulus, Jim.” 

“I’m kinda glad now.” 

“As you should be.” 

They finish their ice cream in relative silence. Occasionally, one of them will chuckle again, prompting the other to do the same. Jim finishes his ice cream first, leaning back in his seat and throwing his feet up onto the dash, leaving his empty cup in one of the cup holders. He watches the cars pass on the highway in front of them through the windshield. Phil watches him for a moment before setting his own cup down, finally deciding to ask the question he’s been thinking about for weeks. 

“Hey, Jim?” 

“Yeah?”

“What would you think about me adopting you, too?” Jim goes still, not averting his eyes from the highway. The silence lasts long enough to start making Phil nervous. Eventually, Jim turns to look at him. 

“Really?” he asks, almost non believing. 

“Really. Chris and I have been talking about it for a while. I love you like you  _ are  _ mine. Chris knows that, I would hope you know that, too. And it’s not like Chris has the most dangerous life in the world, but we both want to be sure you don’t go through what you did when your mom died if something were to happen to him. Obviously, if you don’t want to do this, that’s fine I just-” Jim cuts Phil off by dropping his feet off the dash and leaning over the center console to give Phil the tightest hug he can at such an awkward angle. 

“Is this a yes?” Phil asks, hugging him back with a small laugh. 

“Absolutely,” Jim responds. “How long will it take?” 

“Hard telling. Few months, at least. You really sure this is okay?” 

“Why wouldn’t it be?” Jim asks, pulling away. “I mean, we did just discuss that I might have starved to death or died in a fire without you so…” Jim grins as he sits back down in his seat.

“Just making sure,” Phil laughs. 

“Yeah, Phil, I’m really  _ really  _ sure.” 

“Me too,” Phil smiles. “We’ll do it, then.” Jim grins over at him. 

“Love you, Phil.” 

“Love you too, Jim.” 

 

* * *

 

**_988 Days Before_ **

 

By the time the movie ends, Jim is fast asleep. He’s sprawled across the couch, his head in Phil’s lap at one end and his feet in Chris’s at the other. Chris looks over to Phil, quickly catching the soft smile Phil is giving Jim’s sleeping form. 

“This everything you could have hoped for?” Chris asks softly, a smile of his own forming. “First night with a kid of your own. Pretty amazing boyfriend,” he teases. “Everything you ever wanted, right?” Phil looks to Chris, that soft smile still plastered to his face. 

“Yeah. It is. I have you, I have Jim,” Phil sighs happily. “My perfect little family.” 

“How cheesy of you, Philip.” 

“Oh shut it, Christopher.” Chris just grins for a moment before reaching over and taking one of Phil’s hands. He gives it a small squeeze. 

“I think it’s pretty perfect too,” Chris says, watching their now intertwined fingers. “I love you, Phil.” Phil squeezes his hand. 

“I love you too, Chrissy.”

 

* * *

 

 

**_349 Days Before_ **

 

This is probably the most inopportune time for Chris to realize that he has no idea how to tie a tie. He’s never had a ton of reasons to wear one and even when he had he had just worn clip-on ties that Phil teased him about. Not that it would really help to know how to tie a tie right now, Chris is shaking so hard he doesn’t think he could anyway. He curses under his breath and tries again despite himself. 

Someone knocks on the door. 

“Yeah?” Chris asks, trying to keep his voice steady. He might be freaking out, just a little. 

“Thought I’d make sure you have pants on before I came in,” Hyeon says through the door, only half joking. 

“You’re good.” Hyeon enters, shutting the door behind him. He looks Chris up and down. 

“You’re freaking out,” he observes. 

“Maybe a little,” Chris agrees. 

“Maybe a lot,” Hyeon points to the chair behind Chris. “Sit.”  Chris does, because honestly he might fall over other wise. Hyeon grabs another chair from the corner and seats himself in front of Chris. He starts tying Chris’s tie without Chris asking him to. “Why are you panicking?” he asks in the voice that has made Chris think Hyeon would’ve made a good doctor or therapist for the last nearly two decades. 

“Because! This is forever.  _ Forever _ . Hyeon, this is the only relationship I’ve had that’s lasted longer than a couple of months. I’m not exactly known for prolonged relationships,” Chris explains, possibly panicking a little more. He tries to fiddle with his tie some more but Hyeon smacks his hands away.

“Would you quit, you moron? This is Phil, Chris. This is Chris Pike and Phil Boyce. You’ve already been together forever,” Hyeon tells him, going back to the tie. 

“Four years is  _ not  _ forever.” 

“Twenty years,” Hyeon tells him like he’s trying to correct him. 

“Twenty?” Chris asks just as Hyeon finishes his tie. 

“Twenty. Over, actually. You’ve been best friends since you were eighteen.” 

“That’s not the same as being  _ married _ .” 

“Chris, do you even remember how to live without him?” Hyeon asks, looking at Chris with a knowing look. When Chris hesitates, Hyeon carries on. “No, you don’t. I don’t remember what it was like without Areum, either.” 

“Okay, and?” 

“ _ And _ , that means you’re already set on forever.” When Chris looks at him like he’s suddenly grown another head, Hyeon rolls his eyes fondly. “Chris, do you want Phil next to you tomorrow?” 

“Yeah, of course I-” 

“Next week? A month from now? A year?” Chris nods slowly. “Can you think of a day that you  _ wouldn’t  _ want Phil by your side?” 

“.... No.” 

“Well then, Christopher, why are you so scared of forever? You want him there, he wants you there. At the end of the day, that’s what matters.” 

“It’s just… It’s a  _ long time _ .” 

“Twenty years probably seemed like forever twenty years ago,” Hyeon shrugs. “But here we are, right? He’s your best friend,” Chris opens his mouth to say something but Hyeon just cuts him off. “Yes, yes, I know, I am too. You are not, however, deeply in love with me.” Chris smiles a little sheepishly. “You’re afraid things are going to change, but they’re not. At the end of the day, married or not, you’re Chris and he’s Phil. You’re still going to know each other inside out and backwards, you’re still going to make stupid jokes together, have some good sex sometimes that I  _ do not  _ want to know about.” That makes Chris smile just a little more. “And honestly, Chris? You two are meant to be together. Truly meant to be together. That happens so  _ rarely _ . Phil Boyce and Chris Pike were meant to exist in the same story: this one. So don’t you  _ dare  _ dismiss that.” Chris swallows hard. 

“You really mean that?” 

“Why would I lie to you about something like this?” 

“You wouldn’t.” 

“Exactly.” Hyeon grabs Chris by his shoulders and forces him to make eye contact. “It’s gonna be fine, alright? It’s gonna be  _ amazing _ . And maybe, twenty years from now, you’ll thank me for this damn speech.” Chris smiles and Hyeon grins. “You’re welcome, by the way.” He releases Chris and stands. “I’ll go see how much time you’ve got.” He smacks Chris on the shoulder and goes toward the door. 

“Hy, wait,” Chris says. Hyeon turns, looking at him expectantly. “What about you and Areum? You think you’re meant to be too?” Hyeon gives him a small, soft smile. Chris can’t help but wonder if he has the same look on his face when someone asks about Phil. 

“I like to think so, yeah,” he sighs happily, and turns back to the door. “I’ll be back in a couple of minutes. Don’t fuck with your tie.” 

Chris watches him leave before leaning back in his seat, somehow much less nervous than he had been ten minutes ago. He could do this. He  _ would  _ do this. Because this is Phil, and Hyeon was right saying that Chris wouldn’t know what to do without him. Maybe they are just meant to be. 

 

********

 

Apparently, Areum is not alright with Phil sitting and watching the festivities, even just for a while. She comes over to where he’s taken his seat and pulls him up, stating that he’s coming to dance with her and doesn’t get a choice on the matter. Phil just grins; he doesn’t mind and expects nothing less. It takes a moment to figure out exactly how this is going to work, Areum is a fair bit shorter than Phil, but they manage to work it out. Areum knows how to dance, which means no one is stepping on Phil’s feet, a nice change from dancing with Chris and Jim. 

“You made my husband tear up earlier,” Phil says as a way of starting a conversation. Calling Chris his husband creates a whole new feeling in Phil. It’s a rather nice one. 

“Mhmm, I have my ways,” Areum responds with a smile. 

“Do I get to know what you told him?” 

“Oh, I’m sure he’ll tell you later.” Phil rolls his eyes fondly. 

“I’m sure he will too.” 

They dance quietly for a few minutes. Phil watches Chris and his attempt at dancing with Hyeon. They’re stepping all over each other and laughing about it, making things just get worse. Phil smiles at the sight. 

“They’re idiots, both of them,” Areum says, despite the fact that she has her back to them. 

“Yeah, but we’re the ones that married them. Makes them our idiots.” 

“I don’t regret it one bit.” 

“Me neither,” Phil sighs contently. 

“You never will.” 

“What made you fall in love with yours?” 

“Hmm?”

“Hyeon. What made you fall in love with him?” Areum smiles and leans her head against Phil’s chest. 

“A lot of things. He was funny. Smart.  _ Incredibly  _ kind. The fact that I thought he was the cutest thing I’d ever seen didn’t hurt,” Phil chuckles, trying to think of what Hyeon must have looked like as a teenager. “But it was his smile, mostly. His stupid little smile. And he would smile about  _ everything _ . I got butterflies everytime.” Areum laughs a little. “Who am I kidding? I still do.” 

“You know, your son has the same smiles,” Phil says. They’re not really dancing anymore as much as they are just swaying. 

“Oh, I know. Hyeon’s pretty proud of that fact,” Areum sighs happily. “After we got married, I thought I could never love Hy more than I did then. But the second I saw him with that little boy…” she chuckles a little. “He cried when you handed Hikaru over, you remember that?” Phil’s smile widens. “The biggest smile on his face, but he was crying.” 

“Yeah, yeah I remember. He made me swear not to tell Chris. And then they  _ both  _ cried when Hy asked Chris to be Hikaru’s godfather,” Phil says through a soft laugh. 

“It’s about time you two got married, you know that? You’ve loved him for  _ so long _ . He loved you too, even if it took him longer to realize. You deserve this, Phil, both of you. You deserve to raise Jim and grow old and grey together. You really do. And I’m so happy you finally have the chance to do that,” Areum tells him, pulling away ever so slightly to look up at him. 

“I intend to do just that,” Phil tells her. “Though, we’re already getting a little gray,” he adds with a grin. Areum laughs. 

“Oh, Hyeon’s getting a few gray hairs, too. He’ll probably deny it until his head’s full of them, though.” 

“You gonna keep him around that long?” Phil teases. Areum swats his back playfully. 

“Of course I am. I fully intend to whack him with my cane when we’re ninety, thank you. And you can do the same to Christopher. With an extra whack from me, of course,” she tells him with a grin. Phil laughs.

“You got it.” 

They dance until Hyeon walks over and asks to dance with his wife. Phil obliges and returns to his seat, next to Chris now because he’s apparently had the same idea to sit. Chris plants his head on Phil’s shoulder as a form of greeting and slides his hand into Phil’s. They sit in silence, watching everyone else. Phil is busy watching Jim, Len, and Hikaru making trips to the desert table when Chris nudges him gently. He nods toward Hyeon and Areum. 

“Look at those two lovebirds,” Chris says quietly, as if they could be heard. Phil smiles. They’re dancing much the same way Phil and Areum had; swaying more than anything else. Areum has her head against Hyeon’s chest, Hyeon’s chin resting on the top of her head. They’ve both got their eyes closed and they’re talking about something. 

Somehow, Phil has never seen them look more in love. 

He makes sure he gets a picture to show them later. 

 

*******

 

Later that night, tangled around Chris in bed under the covers, Phil is pretty sure this is the happiest he’s felt in his life. He lifts his head to look at Chris, grinning widely. Chris cracks an eye open to look at him, a smile creeping over his face. 

“What?” he asks. “What’s that look for?” 

“We got married today.” Chris laughs a little.

“Yeah, I know that. I was there, love.” 

“Just…. Never thought that would happen,” Phil tells him, grin never once faltering. Chris responds by opening his eyes fully and leaning his head up to kiss him. 

When they finally pull apart again, Phil goes right back to grinning. “I love you, Christopher.” 

“Love you too, Philip.” 

They go back to kissing. Yeah, Phil’s never been happier. 

 

* * *

 

**_5 Days Before_ **

 

Chris and Jim are in the middle of a game of chess at the kitchen table when Chris’s phone goes off. Jim peers over the chess board to try to get a look at the screen. Chris puts his hand over it before he gets the chance.  

“Quit being nosey and make your move,” he teases. Jim grins, sitting back in his chair. 

“Phil, I think Dad’s cheating on you, he won’t let me see his phone,” he says, going back to examining the chess board. Phil just laughs from the stove. 

“Oh yeah?” 

“Yeah,” Chris agrees. “With Hyeon,” he continues, picking up the phone and showing Jim the text notification. 

“Hell, I already knew that,” Phil says dismissively. “You’re supposed to be giving me new information here, Jim.” 

“My bad,” Jim says, finally making his move with a grin. He looks to Chris. “Checkmate. That’s three straight games just  _ today _ , Dad.”  Chris sputters for a moment, examining the board. Jim’s beaten him.  _ Again _ . 

“I’m going to text Hyeon back now and pretend this didn’t just happen,” Chris says. Jim and Phil both just laugh at him. 

_ What r u doing?  _ The text from Hyeon reads, because Hyeon texts like he’s fourteen instead of forty-four. 

_ Making lunch.  _ Chris responds. Hyeon’s response is nearly instant. 

_ U mean Phil is making lunch.  _ And then a few seconds after;  _ after that?  _

“Phil, are we doing anything today?” Chris asks, looking to his husband at the stove. 

“We never do anything on Sunday,” Jim responds, having abandoned the table and hoisted himself up onto the island a few feet away. 

“What he said,” Phil agrees. “Why?” 

“I don’t know yet,” Chris answers. 

_ Nothing, why?  _ He texts Hyeon. 

_ Beach in a couple hours?  _

“Hy wants to know if we want to go to the beach in a-” Chris starts, only to be cut off by Jim enthusiastically agreeing. 

“Yes, absolutely, we do,” Jim says, nodding vigorously.

“Want to think about that a little longer?” Chris teases. “I wasn’t even done yet.” 

“I’m inclined to agree with Jim. We haven’t gone in, what, a month?” Phil says.

“At least,” Chris agrees. “Alright, beach it is.” 

Jim whoops in excitement while Chris texts Hyeon back.

 

********

 

The first incident of the day occurs before they’re even at the beach for an hour. It had been Jim’s idea to bring the wiffle ball and bat they owned, knowing they would end up playing at some point or another. Surprising to absolutely no one, Hyeon was the one who suggested they play virtually right after getting to the beach. 

They’ve been at it for a solid thirty minutes at this point, half that spent bickering over the locations of bases and who is on whose team. Jim and Hikaru win out on getting Hyeon. T-shirts are sacrificed to act as bases, Areum giving a wolf-whistle when Hyeon strips his off. Their field is fairly cramped, the beach isn’t exactly a wide one, but the lack of other people there gives them plenty of room otherwise. Which also means no one has any qualms about hitting the ball as hard as they possibly can. 

Hyeon’s doing just that when the incident occurs. 

Chris has been elected the pitcher out of himself, Phil, and Areum. Jim’s on his own shirt, third base, and Hikaru is sitting in the sand behind Hyeon, waiting to throw back any pitch Hyeon misses. 

“If you send this straight into my face, I’ll kill you, Hyeon,” Chris warns, getting ready to pitch. 

“Such little faith,” Hyeon says with a smirk. That doesn’t ease Chris’s anxieties in the least. 

The fact that the ball sails well over his head after Hyeon hits it does, though. He turns to watch it, ignoring Jim already darting home. The ball goes past Areum, and then past Phil as well, showing no sign of stopping. At which point, having not even left home, Hyeon exclaims something in Korean Chris does not understand. Areum apparently does though, because she turns to watch the descent of the ball as well. 

Which just happens to end right on the head of an old lady down the beach. She looks less than pleased when she realizes what’s just occured. Jim and Hikaru, however, are incredibly pleased, and promptly dissolve into laughter. 

“So, I mean, is that an out or a home run?” Hikaru asks through his laughter. Hyeon must smack him with something, because it’s followed by an; “Ow!” Areum turns back around about the same time Phil does. 

“You going to get that, or what?” she asks. 

“Phil’s closer!” Hyeon counters. 

“Oh, no, no, no. Phil is not getting that,” Phil tells him, shaking his head. Chris turns back to face Hyeon. 

“Chrissy?” Hyeon asks hopefully. 

“Hell no,” Chris tells him with a wide grin. Hyeon looks to Jim and Hikaru, both still laughing. 

“You whacked me with the bat, I'm not going!” Hikaru says before Hyeon can even ask. 

“Jim, I will  _ pay  _ you to go get that wiffle ball,” Hyeon tries desperately. Jim just keeps laughing. 

“No way, Hy. No way,” Jim tells him, plopping down into the sand next to Hikaru. 

“I promise you'll live, babe,” Areum says pseudo-sweetly as she comes up next to Chris. 

“You just want to see me suffer,” Hyeon grumbles, dropping the bat. 

“A little suffering’s good for the soul,” Phil says, coming up behind Chris and wrapping his arms around his waist. 

Hyeon makes sure to tell Phil exactly what he thinks using his middle finger as he passes. 

He survives the encounter but returns with red tipped ears and announces that he’s done playing. And then promptly chucks the ball at Chris when he starts laughing. 

 

*******

 

The second incident occurs later in the day, after they’ve been at the beach for a while. Chris isn’t even really that sure how it starts, not that he cares at this point. He’s laughing too hard to really think about much of anything. Hyeon’s trying to figure out a way to get on to Chris’s back, piggy back ride style, and they’re having anything but success. 

“Okay, okay,” Hyeon says from the sand where’s he’s pushing himself into a sitting position. He’s laughing just as hard as Chris is. “You have to, you know,  _ catch me _ , Chris.” 

“But it’s a lot funnier when I don’t,” Chris tells him because it’s true. 

“Okay, yeah, maybe. But I think I could make my own beach with the sand now in my pants from you fucking dropping me, asshole.” 

“Come on, Dad!” Jim calls from where he’s sitting on the blanket with Areum, Phil, and Hikaru. They’re all laughing, too. 

“One more try,” Chris says, finally suppressing his laughter. “One more try, and then I’m done.” 

“Better catch me then. Turn around, jackass,” Hyeon says, standing up and shaking out his shorts. Chris does so. Hyeon takes another few seconds to laugh. “Alright, alright, ready?” 

“Ready as I’m gonna get,” Chris says, bracing himself. 

Somehow, it works that time. Chris barely manages to catch Hyeon’s legs, stumbling a little when Hyeon collides with him. Hyeon whoops directly in his ear. There’s a mix of cheers and laughter from the blanket. 

“Well go, Christopher!” Hyeon inists, laughing. 

Chris takes off down the beach as fast as he can between the sand and Hyeon on his back. 

Eventually he falls onto his knees. It hurts just a little but not enough to make him stop laughing. Hyeon peels himself off Chris’s back and lays spread eagle on his back in the sand, tears of laughter gathering in his eyes. 

They can’t look at each other for the next fifteen minutes without bursting into laughter. 

 

*******

 

They’re still at the beach when the sun starts going down. Hikaru and Jim are running up and down the beach, yelling to each other as they throw a frisbee back and forth. Hyeon is sat next to Chris, cheeks a light red with sunburn, Areum sat in front of him and leaning back against him. Phil is on Chris’s other side, one hand joined with Chris’s. They’re been like this for a while. 

“God, look at them,” Hyeon says suddenly. He’s watching Jim and Hikaru. “Growing up, aren’t they?” Areum hums in agreement. 

“They’re not so little anymore,” Areum agrees. “Karu’s turning into you more and more everyday, you know that? And Jim’s taking after Chris.” 

“Two Chris’s and two Hyeon’s; we’re all screwed,” Phil chimes in with a grin. They all laugh for a moment. 

“It’s really been twelve years since Hikaru was born. Doesn’t feel like it,” Chris adds. 

“Mhmmm. And seven years since you adopted Jim. Doesn't feel like it at all,” Hyeon agrees. “God, this time next year we’ll both be raising teenagers. We’re fucking  _ old _ .” 

“But somehow not too old to run down the beach with your best friend on your back, right Chris?” Phil teases, nudging Chris a little. Chris grins. 

“Hey, there’s a reason that took a few attempts,” Chris retorts. 

“Yeah, you kept fucking dropping me, that’s why,” Hyeon says. 

“Made it all the more entertaining,” Areum grins.

“For  _ you _ . I have sand in places no one wants sand,” Hyeon argues back, shifting a little to make his point. Areum laughs before leaning up to kiss Hyeon’s cheek. 

“Gross,” Chris says instantly with a shit eating grin. Hyeon flips him off. Areum instantly moves to make it a true kiss. 

“GROSS!” Hikaru calls from down the beach. Chris can just see his grin in the dying light. 

“See?!” Chris insists. 

“Shut up, Christopher,” Areum says, pulling out of the kiss and leaning back against Hyeon again. She smiles pseudo-sweetly at Chris.

“We should head home soon. Or at least go get dinner,” Phil sighs.

“I vote dinner. I’m starving,” Hyeon says. 

“Sounds good to me,” Areum agrees. 

“The real question is whether or not we can get the boys to leave,” Chris says. Hyeon waves a hand dismissively. 

“I got this.” He gives Areum a quick kiss on the top of her head before getting up and making his way toward Hikaru. 

“What’s he doing?” Phil asks, looking amused. 

“Your guess is as good as mine,” Areum responds. 

“I think Hikaru’s got a rough idea,” Chris says through a laugh, watching Hikaru take off down the beach when he notices Hyeon. Hikaru’s laugh echoes up the beach, quickly followed by Hyeon’s. Hyeon takes off after Hikaru, leaving Jim just looking utterly confused. He turns to look at Chris, holding his hands up in a  _ What the hell is going on?  _ fashion. Chris shrugs in response. 

“ _ That’s  _ what he’s doing,” Areum laughs. Chris looks back in the direction where Hyeon and Hikaru ran, only to see Hyeon picking up Hikaru and slinging him over his shoulder like a sack. They’re both laughing. “He’s lucky Karu’s a small kid.” 

“He’d try it even if he wasn’t,” Chris says, starting to laugh as well. 

Hyeon carries Hikaru all the way back to the blanket, Jim jogging to catch up behind them.

“So… dinner?” Hyeon asks casually. He’s holding Hikaru’s legs to him with one arm. 

 

* * *

 

**_2 Days Before_ **

 

Chris is used to Leonard McCoy hopping into his car after school some days. He is not, however, used to the look on Len’s face when he plops himself down in the passenger seat and tosses his bag onto the floor. He doesn’t even greet Chris like he usually does, instead pulling the door shut without a word as Jim climbs into the backseat. Jim must notice Chris frowning at Len (who will not look at anything but the floor), because he offers an explanation after he shuts his own door. 

“Uh, Bones and his mom had a fight this morning. Pretty nasty one, apparently. She has to go back to Georgia for a few days for some kind of family emergency, but she’s not letting Len go now. Can he stay with us until she’s back?” Jim asks, blue eyes pleading with Chris in the rearview mirror. Chris’s frown deepens. 

“Yeah, yeah of course he can,” Chris answers. “Len, do you need to go home and grab some things or…?” Chris asks looking over to Len. Len gives him a small nod while buckling his seat belt. “Okay. We can do that.” Chris glances back to Jim in the rearview mirror again and receives a thankful look.

 

*******

 

Len makes Jim wait in the car with Chris when they get to his apartment building. Jim fidgets nervously in the back seat.

“So what was the fight about?” Chris asks, settling back into his seat after watching Len go inside. 

“Same things they always fight about. Bones’s dad, leaving Georgia and coming here,” Jim answers, watching out his window. “I guess they both said some nasty things. Bones wouldn’t tell me what. They’re in there either fighting again or ignoring each other.” Chris sighs and rubs his face with one hand. 

“Len’s still defending his dad, and he still wishes they’d never left Georgia,” Chris fills in the gaps. 

“Exactly. I kinda agree with him.” 

“Kinda agree?” 

“Yeah. I mean, think about if it was us. Phil gets sick and he- well. Yeah. And then you make the two of us move  _ literally  _ across the country, away from Hikaru and Areum and Hyeon. I’d be pretty pissed off, too.” Chris sighs again. 

“I don’t even wanna think about that.” 

“‘Course you don’t, it sucks. But Bones is living it, Dad.” 

“I know he is. Kid deserves better.” 

“Yeah. He does.” 

They sit in silence until Len returns. Chris doesn’t miss the quick little swipe he makes across his eyes as he gets back into the car, dropping his new bag on top of his backpack. 

“You okay, pal?” Chris asks. Len nods. 

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. Let’s go.” Chris watches him for a moment before nodding. 

“Okay. Put your seatbelt on.”


	2. October 20, 2017

**_October 20, 2017_ **

**_2:46 AM_ **

 

Chris awakens to his phone buzzing on his side table. He groans into his pillow before rolling over to answer it. Caller I.D. tells him it’s Phil.

“On your way home?” Chris asks sleepily.

“Chris, listen to me,” Phil says urgently. It’s only then that Chris notices all the noise in the background. “There’s something going on, I’m not really sure what it is yet, but it’s huge.” Chris sits up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“What are you talking about?”

“You need to get the boys up and get ready to leave.”

“What the hell are you-”

“Chris! Just listen to me, please,” Phil pleads. “I will get there as soon as I can, but if things get too bad before I get there you leave without me, understand?”

“Phil-”

“I have to go, I’m sorry. I love you. Jim too.”

“Phil, love, what-”

“I love you,” Phil says again. The call ends. Chris curses loudly and tries to call Phil back. He tries three times and sends four text messages before deciding to figure out what the hell Phil had been talking about. He stretches to grab the television remote from Phil’s table, and turns on the small TV they have atop the dresser at the end of the bed.

 _“The United States is the latest to join several other countries in declaring a nation-wide state of emergency,”_ the woman reporter on the screen tells him right as his phone begins to shriek next to him. Chris grabs it without a second of hesitation hoping it’s Phil calling back, but it’s just an automated notification telling him the same thing the TV is. _“What was initially believed to have been riots have broken out in cities around the world, and are beginning to spread to more rural areas. There are now reports of people suddenly turning violent and attacking anyone nearby, including friends and family, commonly resulting in these sudden attackers murdering whoever has the misfortune of being in their path. Many sources seem to believe this to be some sort of virus, turning anyone infected incredibly violent. Authorities are advising citizens to stay where they are unless it is absolutely necessary that they move, and are also advizing extreme caution in all encounters with others.”_

Chris mutes the television. His heart feels like it’s about to pound out of his chest. With a shaking hand, he tries to call Phil again. It rings a few times before going to voicemail. He tries again.

Phil had been called into the ER around midnight, no doubt in response to all the injuries cropping up because of these attacks.

That meant the ER was likely beyond full. Full of people that could turn violent at any moment, probably without warning.

Full of people that could kill him.

And Chris hadn’t even told him he loved him before he had hung up.

The call goes to voicemail again. Chris tries to ignore the pressure building up behind his eyes.

 _Phil said to get ready to leave_ his brain reminds him. _News says stay_ follows almost instantly. Chris decides he trusts Phil’s judgement far more.

Jim appears in his doorway just as Chris is pulling on the jeans he had shed onto the floor a few hours earlier. He’s shaking like a leaf.

“Dad?” he asks, voice shaking just as hard as he is. “What’s going on?” he’s clutching his phone in one hand, no doubt having seen the emergency notice. His eyes scan the room. “Where’s Phil?”

“Um,” Chris starts, buttoning his pants and taking a quick moment to collect himself. “He was called into the ER around midnight. He’ll be here soon, I just talked to him.”

“Is he okay?” Chris can see Jim’s eyes shining in the light from the TV screen.

“He’s fine. Turn on my light, please.” Jim does so with a shaking hand. “Is Len up?”

“Yeah, he’s trying to call his mom. She’s not answering. What’s going on?” Jim asks again. Chris shakes his head.

“I don’t know,” he goes to Jim, grabbing him by his bare shoulders. “Look at me,” he says, gently but urgently. Jim does so. “Everything’s going to fine, but I need you to listen to me. Go back to your room, shut all the curtains. You and Len both put some clothes on, shoes and jackets too. Tell Len to pack up all his stuff, and you put some clothes into a bag for yourself. An extra pair of shoes wouldn’t be a bad idea. Grab a couple of your flashlights too,” Chris says, still formulating a plan in his head. “Hurry. I’ll come get you in a few minutes and we’ll go downstairs, okay? Repeat all that back to me.”

“Go back to my room, shut the curtains. Bones and I need to get dressed and get extra stuff. Flashlights. Wait for you to come get us, and we’ll go downstairs,” Jim repeats back to him, not once breaking eye contact with Chris. “And hurry.”

“Good,” Chris says, releasing his shoulders. “That’s good.”

“Do you think Hikaru and his parents are okay?” Jim asks in a small voice. “And Bones’s mom?” Chris does his best to give Jim a small smile.

“They’re smart people, Jim, I’m sure they’re okay,” Chris says, trying to reassure Jim as much as he’s trying to reassure himself. “Get back to your room, I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

Jim nods and disappears back into the hallway. Chris waits until he can hear the sound of him talking to Len before he retreats back into his room. He sits on the edge of the bed ( _Phil’s side_ his brain reminds him) and puts his head into his hands. Every molecule in his body seems to screaming that something is really _really_ wrong. He’s alone with two teenagers, at least one of which is already panicking like Chris wants to, he has no clue what’s happening to Phil or anyone else for that matter, and the world seems to be descending into chaos.

He grabs his phone from off the bed behind him, immediately unlocking it and calling Hyeon. Every time it rings his heart pounds a little more.

Hyeon doesn’t answer. Chris tries again, trying to ignore how hard his hands are shaking. “Come on, Hy,” he mumbles to himself. The call goes to voicemail again. Chris would really, really love to lose it a little right now.

 _Get it together_ his brain commands. _Think of a plan_.

Chris would love to have a real plan, but he’s still assembling a number of puzzle pieces in his head. None of them spell anything good, though. He curses once under his breath before tossing the phone down and forcing himself to stand to get to work. Following the instructions he gave Jim would at least be a start.

He’s grabbing extra socks out the dresser when his hand bumps against it. He had forgotten he’d even put it in there. It’s an old switchblade knife his grandfather had given him when he was about Jim’s age. It was older than Chris by a decade at least, but if it came down to it it would still serve its purpose.

Chris pockets it, silently hoping he won’t have to use it.

 

*******

 

Jim and Len are both waiting on Jim’s bed, shoes, jackets, and backpacks on when Chris walks in. Len’s still trying to call his mom. Jim jumps up.

“Where’s your bat?” Chris asks him.

“What?” Jim asks. He’s still shaking.

“The bat that Hy got you for your birthday. Where is it?”

“Why do you-”

“James!” Chris says, a little more sharply than he means to. Jim jumps before going to his closet and pulling the doors open. Chris turns to Len. “Any luck?” he asks. Len looks up and shakes his head. There’s just the slightest quiver in his bottom lip. Chris wordlessly puts a hand on his shoulder.

“Got it,” Jim says.

“Let’s go, then,” Chris says, withdrawing his hand from Len’s shoulder after giving it a small squeeze.

“Dad, what’s going on?” Jim pleads.

“The world’s fucking ending,” Len says numbly. Normally Chris would correct his language usage, but seems how it’s looking like he’s right, Chris feels it’s really not all that important right now. Jim pales considerably.

“We’ll be alright, we’ll be fine,” Chris promises.

God, he hopes he’s right.

 

*******

 

Chris has just zipped a first aid kit into one of the backpacks when there’s a series of distinct pounds on the backdoor. Chris nearly grabs Jim’s bat from the table in front of him before he realizes what’s going on. He realizes who’s pounding at his backdoor he is half-tempted to vault himself over the table to get there faster. He rounds the table instead, figuring he’s not helping anyone if he completely busts his ass just trying to get around the table.

Chris shoves the sliding door open and pulls Hikaru inside. Jim or Len stands up so fast that one of the chairs clatters to the floor. Chris shoves the door shut again before crouching down to Hikaru’s height, grabbing him by the shoulders. He’s never seen anyone look so terrified, least of all a child. “What happened?” Chris asks, feeling Hikaru trembling under his hands.

“Chris, they- they-” Hikaru’s eyes dart around wildly, and his hands come up to grip Chris’s arms. He leaves bloody handprints on Chris’s jacket.

“Who? Who did what? Look at me, Hikaru,” Chris moves his hands to Hikaru’s cheeks, ignoring the blood on them. Hikaru maintains his grip on his arms. “You’re safe. I got you. I’m not gonna let anyone get to you, okay? But you need to tell me what happened. Where are your parents?” Hikaru bursts into hysterical tears and Chris’s stomach drops.

“I don’t know where my mom is,” Hikaru tells him through the tears. Chris just barely understands him. “Dad kept telling me not to worry about it when I asked, but he had blood on his shirt so why-” his breath hitches on a sob. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“Okay,” Chris says gently. “Okay. Where’s your dad?” The tears worsen, which Chris really didn’t think possible. Hikaru chokes out something that Chris doesn’t catch. “What?”

“They shot him!” Hikaru cries. Everything in Chris’s being comes to a screeching halt.

_ Hyeon’s not… No, no he can’t. He can’t, he can’t, he can’t.  _ Chris’s mind floods with thousands of different memories. 

Hyeon grinning at him for a hundred different reasons. 

Hyeon handing Hikaru to Chris for the first time, saying  _ “We want you to be his godfather. _ ” 

That look on Hyeon’s face when Jim had called him Uncle Hyeon for the first time. 

Hyeon always just _ being there _ , life intertwined with Chris’s almost as much as Chris’s intertwined with Phil’s.  

Losing him falling into the category of things Chris has never thought about but yet… Here it is.

“What?” Chris breathes when the world starts spinning again. It’s all he can think to say.

“Some- some guy just- shot him! Just shot him in the face, Chris, he just shot him!” Hikaru cries, desperately gripping Chris’s arms. “He wasn’t- he wasn’t even doing anything! We were just trying to leave! We just went outside and he was there and-” Chris becomes sickly aware that the blood on Hikaru’s face and hands is likely not his own.

“Dad,” Jim whines quietly behind him. He sounds like he’s about to burst into tears. Chris doesn’t blame him.

“I-I didn’t know what to do so I just ran, I just left him there, Chris!” Hikaru sobs. “I just left him!”

“There was-” Chris’s voice cracks. He takes a split second to collect himself. “There was nothing you could do,” he tells Hikaru gently. “You did the right thing by getting out of there. There was nothing else you could have done, Hikaru. Nothing.” Hikaru just crumples into him, face buried in Chris’s shoulder. “Are you hurt?” Chris asks, putting one hand on his back.

“One of his socks is bloody,” Len says quietly behind him, somehow sounding better collected than Chris feels. “I don’t know if it’s….” he trails off, letting Chris’s mind formulate the end of the sentence.

“Did you hurt your foot?” Chris asks, gently pulling Hikaru off him.

“I don’t know, maybe. I just started running,” Hikaru says, the tears slowing to allow a generally dazed look.

“Okay. Len, I stuffed the first aid kit from the bathroom into my bag, get it out for me,” Chris starts, releasing Hikaru and standing upright again. Len must give some nonverbal form of agreement because Chris hears a zipper almost immediately. “Can you handle getting some kind of bandage on his foot if he needs it?”

“Yeah, yeah I got it,” Len says over the sound of the first aid kit dropping onto the table. Chris nods.

“Okay. Hikaru? I’m gonna put you up on the island, alright? Let Len take care of you and I’ll get you some different clothes,” Hikaru barely nods. Chris grabs Hikaru under his armpits and carefully swings him up onto the island with a small grunt. The kid’s still fairly small, but he’s heavier than he looks. “I’ll be right back,” Chris promises. Hikaru gives another small nod. Chris tries to leave the kitchen, but is intercepted by Jim.

“Dad,” Jim pleads quietly, a few silent tears trailing down his face.

“I know,” Chris says softly. “I know. But I meant what I said, okay? We’ll be okay.” Jim gives a small nod and releases him.

 

********

 

Chris tries to pass up the bathroom, he really does, but the composure he has is threatening to break and he just needs a couple of seconds. The moment Chris crosses the threshold into the bathroom the contents of his stomach wants to empty itself. He doesn’t make it past the sink. Not that it really matters, Chris is already fairly sure they won’t be back here anytime soon. So it doesn’t matter that what remained of his late dinner is now in the sink.

He had just seen Hyeon hours ago.

He had gotten take out for dinner from the restaurant because Phil didn’t want to cook.

He had been _fine_ and _normal_ and nothing said otherwise.

Hyeon said he was manning the restaurant alone because Areum was sick. They had talked about getting together over the weekend if she was feeling better. Taking the boys to the beach again, that’s what they had decided. They had even placed a bet on which of the boys would go into the water despite the dropping temperatures. Hyeon had grinned at him, told him _I bet it’s your boy_.

And now, now Chris will never see him again.

The last he’ll ever see of Hyeon Sulu is splattered across his twelve-year-old downstairs and smeared across Chris’ hands and jacket.

Chris forces his brain to think of the last words Hyeon said to him.

 _See you tomorrow_.

_See you tomorrow, Chris._

The last thing Hyeon had ever said to him. _See you tomorrow_.

He tries to throw up again but nothing comes.

Hyeon is dead.

His boy is downstairs, traumatised and scared out of his mind.

And Areum. Where the _hell_ is Areum?

Or Phil. The world is fucking crashing down around Chris’ ears and Phil _isn’t here_.

 _But Jim is,_ his brain reminds him. _Jim is here, Len is here, Hikaru is here, and they’re all terrified._

He grips the edge of the counter, breathes to collect himself, and tries not to think anymore of what’s happened to anyone else he cares about while he carries on with what he had set out to do.

 

*******

 

When he gets back to the kitchen, Jim is on the island next to Hikaru, a white-knuckled grip on his hand. The power went out as Chris was digging through Jim’s closet finding Hikaru clothes, and Len is finishing bandaging Hikaru’s foot via the light of the flashlight between his teeth.

“How bad?” Chris asks when he finishes.

“Pretty long cut. Not super deep, though,” Len tells him after putting the flashlight on the counter next to Hikaru.

“It hurts,” Hikaru says quietly. Chris can’t help but notice the glazed look in his eyes.

“Probably stepped on glass or something,” Jim offers, voice just above a whisper.

“Probably,” Chris agrees as he approaches. He looks to Hikaru. “I got you a shirt and a jacket and some shoes and socks. I couldn’t find any jeans you wouldn’t swim in, so you’ll just have to deal with the pajama pants for now, okay?” Hikaru barely nods.

“What are we gonna do?” Len asks quietly, taking a few steps to give Chris room to stand in front of Hikaru.

“Wait for Phil as long as we can and then-”

“We can’t leave Phil,” Jim protests immediately, releasing his hold on Hikaru’s hand.

“I don’t plan to. But we might have to, Jim. He knows that,” Chris explains quietly, trying not to dwell too much on the thought of Phil never showing up. Jim starts to protest again, but Chris cuts him off. “Arms up, Karu,” he says, setting the shoes and shirt on the counter. Hikaru obeys, maintaining a gaze that seems to go right through Chris. Chris pulls Hikaru’s shirt off over his head.

He swallows the urge to sob as he uses it to wipe the remaining blood off of Hikaru’s face and hands.

 

*******

 

He’s helping Hikaru get shoes on when the front door opens and slams shut again.

“Chris?!” Phil’s voice calls through the house. Chris can’t help the giant breath of relief that escapes him. Jim leaps off the island.

“We’re in here!” Chris calls back. He’s never been happier to hear Phil’s footsteps. Jim meets Phil in the doorway to the kitchen, flinging his arms around him.

“We have to go. _Now_ ,” is all Phil says, hands finding Jim’s back.

“Go where?” Len asks.

“Anywhere that isn’t here,” Phil responds without hesitation.

“Alright. Alright,” Chris says, looking back to Hikaru. “I’m gonna carry you, alright? We don’t need that bandage coming off your foot. You’re gonna put my backpack on, and I’ll carry you.” Hikaru gives yet another minuscule nod. “Grab the backpack you took the first aid kit out of, Len. Put the kit back in and give me the bag. Jim, put your backpack back on and give Phil the other one I packed, alright?” Both boys follow directions without protest. “Guess you get the bat,” Chris tells Phil. There’s a thousand questions in the look Phil gives him, but they don’t have time to answer them.

 

*******

 

Five minutes later with Hikaru on his back and Phil, Len, and Jim in front of him, Chris leaves what’s been home for the last decade for the last time.


	3. After

**_2 Days After_ **

 

The first safe place they find is a shed of all places. Granted, safe is still an extremely generous term. They’re till close enough to the city that there’s still  _ far  _ too many people around, infected or not. Phil’s seen how quickly that can change, though, and doesn’t trust those that seem to be on the non-infected end. Not that they’ve come across many anyway. No, the only people he’s trusting right now are in this shed. This shed that Phil hates because the circumstances surrounding them even being in it in the first place but is also somehow incredibly thankful for because this is the first time they’ve been able to  _ really  _ stop and rest for almost two days. 

Chris had seen it first and suggested they at least check. They’d have to stop soon anyway to trade off on who was carting Hikaru and to get some water in them. Phil, of course, agreed because he was  _ really  _ wanting to sit down, if only for a few minutes. But it turned out to check out enough that they could stay for longer than a couple of minutes. The door could easily be barricaded to keep anyone else from getting in, they could all fit inside, and the only other access point was a window that was too small for anyone larger than Jim to fit through. They would stay for the night and get moving again in the morning. They all needed the rest. 

Dinner consisted of a cold can of green beans, some pop tarts, and nearly total silence. Even Jim, known for talking when he’s nervous, barely says a word. Hikaru never says anything at all and barely touches any food. It makes Phil’s gut scream that something is very, very wrong, but he doesn’t ask. Not yet. 

He thinks he should now, though. 

Jim, Len, and Hikaru are asleep on one of the blankets Chris stuffed into a backpack before they left, using each other as pillows. But Chris is awake, sitting against the wall next to Phil, running his fingers through Jim’s hair like he’s been doing since Jim first laid down. Jim doesn’t even protest. Chris hasn’t said much. Not that Phil has either. It’s hard to know  _ what  _ to say. Chris leans over and puts his head on Phil’s shoulder. He looks like he’s aged a decade since a couple of nights before. Yeah, Phil has to ask. 

“Chris?” he asks quietly. Chris hums in acknowledgement. Phil takes a deep breath, trying to ignore the dread settling in his gut. “What happened? Why do we have Hikaru? Why is there blood on your shirt?” Chris freezes for a moment next to him. Phil’s heartbeat noticeably picks up speed. Chris pulls his hand from Jim’s hair and pulls his knees to his chest. Phil grabs his hand, laces their fingers together, and squeezes. 

“I don’t know,” Chris starts, quiet too so he doesn’t wake the boys. “Not really. I just… I just know what Hikaru told me. He just showed up at the backdoor. Hopped the fence, I guess. I pulled him inside, he had blood on him I was worried he was hurt. I mean, I would’ve let him in anyway, of course I would have, I just….” he trails off. Phil rubs the back of Chris’s hand with his thumb but doesn’t interrupt. “No one was with him. When I asked him why…” Chris trails off again. “When I asked him where Hyeon and Areum were….” Chris grips Phil’s hand like it’s a lifeline. Phil’s stomach is doing flips and screaming he knows where this is going. For a moment he regrets asking. “God, Phil. Someone-  _ Jesus _ .” The grip Chris has on Phil’s hand has to be a white-knuckled one by now. It hurts a little, but Phil really doesn’t care. “Hyeon’s-” Chris breaks off again. Phil knows he can’t finish. 

“Is he dead?” Phil whispers gently. He grips Chris’s hand right back, knowing the answer but not wanting it to be true. Chris’s head nods on his shoulder. 

“Yeah,” he says brokenly. He almost sounds confused, too. “Someone… Someone shot him, Phil. Someone just  _ shot him _ . They must’ve thought he was sick, but he wasn’t, Phil, he wasn’t. And Hikaru was  _ right there _ he was right next to him. Someone shot him in front of his fucking son.” Phil doing his best to hold himself together, because Chris is falling apart. Chris needs him, so he swallows as much of the grief as possible. “And Areum? I don’t even know what happened to her. But if she was okay, she would’ve come with them, right? Hy wouldn’t have left her. He said she was sick. He wouldn’t tell Hikaru where she was when he got him out of bed. He told him not to worry about it, but Hikaru said he had blood on him. What happened to her, Phil?” 

“I don’t know, Chris. I don’t know,” Phil mumbles. He thinks he does, though. The puzzle pieces have clicked together in his head. He just silently hopes they don’t click together for Chris. The answer is something Phil knows he can’t handle right now. 

“God, Phil, they’re dead,” Chris breathes next him. He’s starting to shake. Phil turns as much as he can without knocking into Chris or one of the boys and pulls Chris into him. Chris turns into him and buries his face against Phil’s neck. “Phil,” he pleads, as if Phil has any say in the matter. 

“I know. I know,” is all Phil can think to say. 

Chris grips the front of Phil’s shirt and starts to cry. Phil can hear and feel his breaths hitching into sobs, but he’s trying so hard to stay quiet. Phil just pulls him closer and tries to keep it together as best he can. But these were his friends too, probably the best ones he’s ever had besides Chris, so eventually he fails. He leans his head forward into Chris and lets the tears fall. Somewhere in him is the knowledge that this could have been he and Chris, and a sense of relief that makes Phil feel sick to acknowledge. So he ignores it, holds onto Chris, and tries to keep both of them quiet so at least the boys can sleep. 

 

* * *

 

**_10 Days After_ **

 

It feels dirty, going through other people’s stuff. Phil really hates it. But then again, if they want to survive, they don’t have much of a choice. Five people means going through food and water fast. The weather’s already starting to get colder, which means they’re going to need warmer clothes soon. Phil knows all this is absolutely necessary, and that the people that these things had belonged to are likely gone, whether it be dead, infected, or having fled. That doesn’t stop him from feeling kind of shitty about going through their things. 

He and Chris are in what probably used to be a master bedroom. So far they’ve found nothing they need, at least not yet, and they’re getting ready to leave when Chris pulls the drawer of one of the side tables open and pulls something delicately out of it. 

“No, absolutely not,” Phil says instantly when he realizes what Chris is holding. “No way.” 

“Phil-” Chris starts. 

“No! No way, Chris. We’re not doing that, no. Not happening. We’re not taking a fucking gun.” 

“Phil, we have a switchblade and a baseball bat. That’s not exactly-” 

“No.” 

“Both of them require getting close to use them and I’d rather not-”

“Chris. No. Do you even know how to use it?” Chris turns the handgun over his his hand, carefully pointing it away from Phil and himself. 

“Can’t be too hard, right?” Chris asks weakly. 

“Jesus Christ, Chris-” 

“What’s going on?” Phil turns to see Jim standing in the doorway, Hikaru and Len close behind. He’s looking between Chris and Phil. 

“Nothing, Jim. It’s nothing,” Chris tells him. 

“What’s with the gun?” Len asks, nodding toward Chris. “Are we taking it?” Chris and Phil say  _ yes  _ and  _ no  _ respectively in perfect unison. “Might… not be a bad idea.” Len offers. “I know how to-”

“No,” Hikaru interrupts hoarsely. “We can’t. We can’t take it.” 

All eyes turn on Hikaru instantly. It’s the first time he’s uttered a word since they left San Francisco. He comes around Jim to stand in front of him. 

“Chris, please,” he pleads. “We don’t need it, we’ve been doing fine without one.” 

“Karu… I need to protect you anyway I can, pal. If that means taking this gun, that’s what it means,” Chris explains gently. “I don’t like it either.” 

“Then don’t do it! We can make it without!” 

“We’ve already had too many close calls-”

“This isn’t going to solve that!” 

“Not completely, no, but if we take this we don’t have to get so close and-” 

“How do you know? How do you know if you don’t get close?” Phil’s heart sinks. He knows exactly what this is about. He turns and looks at Chris, who gives a knowing look. He’s set the gun down on the mattress. 

“I  _ swear _ I will not use this thing unless absolutely necessary. And that I will always be a hundred percent sure before I do. I promise, Hikaru,” Phil watches Chris come around the bed and stop in front of Hikaru, crouching to his height and taking him by the shoulders. “I know you don’t like this; I don’t either. But when have I ever broken a promise?” Hikaru gives a little shake of his head. 

“You haven’t.” 

“I don’t intend to break this one either, Karu,” Chris makes his voice even softer. “And I promised your parents that if anything ever happened, I would take care of you. That I would protect you. This is the best way I can do that right now. Okay? I need you to trust me.”

“I  _ do  _ trust you,” Hikaru mumbles. “I just…..” 

“I know. It’ll be alright, Hikaru.” Hikaru gives a small, resigned nod. Chris gives his shoulders a little squeeze, standing back upright. 

“Phil?” Chris asks. 

“Yeah. Yeah, okay,” Phil sighs. “But I’m not using it.” 

“That’s fine. Jim? Len? Any objections?” Both boys shake their head. If they have anything to say, they leave it unspoken. Chris sighs. “Alright then.” 

 

* * *

 

**_82 Days After_ **

 

It starts with Hikaru. 

He stays in bed longer than usual, saying he’s just tired. The next day, he doesn’t get out of bed at all, even with Jim’s ten minutes of prompting. Jim notices how warm he is when he smacks his cheeks, something only earning him a grunt from Hikaru. 

Jim yells for Phil, which gets at least a little more out of Hikaru, who tries to swat at Jim for yelling. Phil’s verdict is to try and wait it out, granted that they can’t do much more at this point anyway, but things only get worse from there. 

Hikaru only gets worse, fever rising to the point that he’s constantly coated in sweat. He sleeps mostly; the only times when he’s really aware of what’s going on around him is when he wakes and rolls over to throw up. Phil does his best to keep at least some form of food and water in him, but even Jim can tell he’s worried it’s not enough. 

When Chris won’t leave bed a couple of days later, already showing signs of much of the same thing, is when Jim sees Phil start to get really worried. 

They move Chris and Hikaru into the living room onto the couches to allow Phil to keep an eye on them better, and so all of them are closer to the only source of heat they have in the fireplace. Phil tries to keep meds in both of their systems, but getting either of them aware enough to swallow it and then to keep it down is a rarity. They’re running low anyway. 

The fifth day, they run out completely. The sixth, Jim and Len wake up to Phil still asleep and sweating so much there’s a ring of sweat around the collar of his shirt. They both know what that means. Jim promptly has a panic attack that Len does his best to help with, but there’s only so much he can do. It doesn’t start to fade until Phil’s eyes crack open and he mumbles an  _ ‘M okay _ even though it’s far from the truth. Len takes full advantage of the opportunity Phil being aware offers. 

“What do we do?” Len presses. “Phil, what do we do?” 

“There was a pharmacy or something a few miles from here, right?” Phil asks slowly. Len nods. “More meds are… probably the best bet.” 

“What do we get?” 

“Find me some paper and a pen.” 

Len scrambles up and off to do so, leaving Jim sitting there, mostly just trying to keep himself in check. He’s shaking, though. Phil tries to sit up, but gives up and lays back down before his shoulders are even fully off the floor. 

“Jim,” he says, holding a hand out. Jim grabs it, despite how sweaty it is. Phil squeezes his hand. “It’ll be okay. We’ll be okay.” Jim doesn’t believe that, not at all, but he nods anyway. 

“Okay,” he says. 

Twenty minutes later, Jim and Len are leaving the house. It’s freezing, even though they are bundled up, and it’s starting to snow. Len has the list of meds zipped into one of the pockets of his coat that isn’t actually his, and the handgun tucked in his belt. Jim’s sticking as close to him as possible. 

“Bones, what if they die? What if they die before we get back?” Jim mumbles. He’s not even sure Len hears him at first. 

“We’ll just be gone a few hours, Jim, they’re not gonna die,” Len assures him. 

“How do you know?” 

“Because we need them,” is the only reason Len has to offer.

 

*******

 

Jim’s not sure how long it takes them to reach the pharmacy, but it feels like an eternity. He’s pretty sure his nose might just fall directly off his face, he’s not all that sure his fingers are still inside his gloves, and he’s still freaking out on the inside about what’s going on back at the house. 

They find a broken window around the back; evidently someone’s beaten then there. 

“Shit,” Len says under his breath, but Jim still hears it. 

“I guess we just hope they didn’t take what we need,” Jim says. 

“Yeah, guess so. Alright, I’ll go in first, you come in behind. Be careful.” Jim nods. Len hoists himself up and over the edge of the window, taking a few steps once he’s in to allow Jim to do the same. His feet crunch on broken glass. “Careful, Jim, there’s-” 

“Glass, yeah, I hear it,” Jim follows Len’s lead, dropping in behind him. “You brought a flashlight, right? It’s dark as hell in here.” There’s a click and Len’s flashlight illuminates what’s in front of them. “ _ Fuck _ ,” Jim breathes. It nearly barren shelves. 

“Maybe we’ll get lucky and what we need will still be here,” Len offers hopefully. “At least a little bit of it.” 

“Phil said that was antibiotics and stuff to help with the fevers. People would’ve hit that shit up first, Bones,” Jim tells him. “Fuck, they’re gonna die. They’re gonna die, Bones.” Len turns toward him, grabbing him by the shoulder with his free hand. 

“We are  _ not  _ just going to let them die, Jim. It’s not happening, we will figure something out. Phil was still awake when we left, if we can just keep it that way he’ll know what to do.” 

“He’s not a miracle worker, Bones!” 

“No, but he’s a doctor-” 

“Without anything to work with! There is nothing here to-” 

A flashlight beam crosses over them. Len spins around instantly, yanking Jim to stand behind him. 

“Relax, I’m not going to hurt you. And put your flashlight down, you’re shining it in my eyes,” comes another voice. Jim’s trying to see around Len, but Len’s not letting him budge. 

“Drop the knife and I might,” comes Len’s tense response. There’s a sound of something metallic hitting the floor. Len lowers the flashlight, just a little. His hold on Jim stays, though. 

“Better?” 

“Much. What do you want?” 

“Your help. And it sounds like you need mine, too.” 

“What?” Len’s grip on Jim loosens just enough for Jim pull away to peer around him. A girl no older than himself with dark skin and hair is staring back at him, a determined look on her face. She’s got a winter hat pulled snuggly over her head and has on a coat that looks to be at least two sizes too big, backpack straps smashing the shoulders down. She’s got a flashlight in one hand, beam aimed towards Len’s chest. The knife she must have dropped per Len’s request lays on the floor by her feet. “What do you need our help for? And how can you help us?”

“I have the last of the meds that were in here. Frankly, I don’t know what the fuck any of them are.  _ You  _ need medicine,  _ I  _ need a doctor, which you have,” the girls tells Len. “So… You let me talk to your doctor, you can keep some of the meds.” 

“Why the hell should we trust you?” Len demands. 

“Because you’re desperate,” her expression softens, if only just a little. “So am I. Sounds like we both have people we can’t lose.” Len releases his grip on Jim fully. 

“You’re right, we are desperate. We let you talk to Phil, you give us meds.  _ But  _ you come alone. And the knife stays here.” The girl’s expression cracks just a little more. 

“I can’t come alone. I have… somebody I have to bring with me.” 

“No way-” 

“Bones, we need medicine,” Jim intervenes, pleading quietly. 

“Jim, we don’t even know if it’s what we need,” Len responds, not removing his eyes from the girl. 

“But it could be. Bones,  _ please _ .” 

“Okay. Okay, fine. You can bring your person. But the knife still stays.” 

“I, uh, I might need your help. With my person. He’s… not doing so hot.” Len tears his eyes off the girl to exchange glances with Jim. “Please.” 

“Yeah, alright. Where is he?” 

“Follow me,” she starts to walk away, back around the shelves from where she must have come from. Jim and Len start to follow. She stops suddenly, turning to look at them again. “My name’s Nyota, by the way,” she offers. 

“I’m Len, this is Jim,” Len tells her. Jim feels like he should offer a small smile or something in acknowledgement, but he honestly just doesn’t have it in him. Nyota nods and turns back around, walking away again. Jim and Len follow. Jim silently hopes this all works out. 

She leads them to the far back corner where the last shelf meets the wall. Nyota’s flashlight lands on a body slumped against the shelf. A boy, smaller than even Hikaru. Can’t be any older than him, either. Curly, dirty blonde hair pokes out from under his hat. He’s sweating and shivering all at once, and he looks to be nearly the same color as the white shelves. Nyota turns, hands Jim her flashlight, and then crouches down in front of the boy, taking his face in her hands. 

“Pasha?” she asks. The boy’s eyes flutter in acknowledgement. Nyota continues talking to him in a language that must not be English, because Jim doesn’t understand a word of it. The boy must though; he gives a tiny nod. Nyota looks over her shoulder back to Jim and Len. “Can one of you help me get him up and walking so we can get out of here?” Jim steps forward before Len can say anything. Nyota gives him a small smile. “Thank you. This is Pavel. Pavel, this is Jim. He’s going to help us, alright?” Pavel nods slowly. 

Jim takes one side of Pavel, Nyota takes the other, and they make their slow progress back to the house. The entire time Jim fears what exactly they’ll be coming back to. 

 

******

No one’s moved when they come into the living room. Phil, Chris, and Hikaru all seem completely unaware of their presence. Nyota and Jim lay Pavel down on the sleeping bag Jim had slept in the night before. Len goes straight to Phil. He glances over his shoulder to Nyota. 

“Where’s the medicine?” he asks. Nyota slips her bag off her shoulders and holds it out to him. Len takes it wordlessly, turning back toward Phil and unzipping it. 

“Thank you,” Jim says quietly. 

“Better not thank me until we’re sure something in there is going to help,” Nyota responds. She sits at Pavel’s head, legs crossed, and shifts his head into her lap. She pulls his hat off and runs a hand through his hair. Pavel’s eyes flutter briefly but he makes no verbal response. 

“Are you with anyone else?” Jim asks Nyota, possibly a little timidly. He’s really thinking whether there could be more people to come after them, take their stuff or worse, but he figures this is a better way to ask. “Like your parents or something?” Nyota gives him a small, wry smile. 

“No. Pavel’s all I've got left.”

 

*******

 

They somehow get lucky enough that there’s a bottle of antibiotics in Nyota’s medicine collection. Apparently they’re not as strong or as plentiful as Phil would like, but they’ll have to do. 

“What about their fevers? We still don’t have anything that’s gonna help, at least not fast,” Jim asks Len when he comes back over. 

“Yeah,” Len agrees. “We’re on our own there.” 

“So what do we do?” 

“I have an idea,” Len sighs, running a hand through his hair and squatting down next to them. “We could make ice packs with the snow and grocery bags or something. Try to cool ‘em down. If their fevers get  _ too  _ high then… obviously we have a problem.” 

“Their fevers have to be through the roof as it is,” Jim says quietly. Len nods. 

“Exactly. I don’t have any other ideas, and Phil was barely aware enough to tell me what the meds were. This is all we’ve got right now.” 

“Let’s do it, then,” Jim says, already standing. He figures just about anything is better than sitting and waiting. Len looks to Nyota, who gives a resigned nod. 

 

******

 

Jim’s situating one of the ice packs under Hikaru’s neck. Hikaru flinches at the cold, groaning a little. Jim’s about to apologize and tell him he’s just trying to help, when Hikaru asks one simple question. 

“Mom?”

It’s a mumble just clear enough for Jim to make out. Len and Nyota must catch it too, because the room is suddenly incredibly quiet. Jim’s positive they’re both staring at him waiting for some kind of reaction. Jim doesn’t give one, swallowing the burn in his throat and ignoring the pressure behind his eyes. 

He situates two more packs under Hikaru’s knees in complete silence. 

 

******

 

“So…. Where are you guys from?” Nyota asks later when they’re sitting on the floor in an almost triangle. They’ve been sitting in silence for most of the evening, and Len’s glad for a change in that. 

“San Francisco,” he answers quietly. “Well, technically just outside San Francisco but.” Nyota gives him a funny look. 

“But you have-” 

“A southern accent, yeah. I lived in Georgia until I was twelve. Jim and Hikaru are the only ones that grew up in San Francisco.” Nyota gives a small nod. Jim remains quiet. 

“How old are you guys, anyway?” 

“Happen to know the date?” Nyota gives a small laugh. 

“No. It’s January, I think.” That makes Jim perk up, just a little. Len gives him a small smile. 

“Assuming it’s after the fourth, Jim just turned fourteen. I’m fifteen. Hikaru’s twelve. How old are your dads, Jim?” 

“Forty-two. Pretty sure.” Jim answers. “What about you and Pavel?” Jim asks Nyota. 

“I’m thirteen. Pavel’s almost eleven.” 

“He’s ten?” Nyota nods. 

“How long have you guys been on your own?” Len inquires carefully. Nyota gives him a wry smile. 

“Only a couple of weeks.” 

“Oh. Sorry.” 

“It is what it is. Probably happened to millions of people by now.” 

“Yeah. Probably. Look, I know you said that after you gave us the meds and things you would go-” Nyota’s face, hardens. 

“We’ll leave once Pavel’s better.” 

“No, no. That’s- That’s the thing. You don’t have to leave. Not if you don’t want to, anyway,” Len says, barely even thinking about it. Part of his brain says  _ Wait, what?  _ but Len pushes it away. “I mean, you don’t have to stay if you don’t wanna but- Yeah.” 

“Yeah,” Jim agrees. “It doesn’t just have to be you and Pavel.” 

“What about your dads? Won’t they care that two kids have randomly shown up?” 

“No,” Jim and Len say in perfect unison. 

Nyota’s only response is a small smile. 

 

* * *

 

**_85 Days After_ **

 

Jim wakes up to a body pressed into his side. It’s still dark out, but what’s left of the fire provides Jim just enough light to see Hikaru’s mess of dark hair. Jim carefully presses a hand to Hikaru’s forehead. 

It’s cool.

Hikaru’s eyes slide open and Jim grins. 

“Hey, Karu,” Jim greets him quietly. Hikaru gives a small smile in acknowledgement. “How are you feeling?” 

“Like I’ve been run over. A couple of times. By a semi,” Hikaru mumbles, shifting closer to Jim, pulling his blankets with him. 

“Yeah, you were pretty sick. We were pretty worried. I’m really glad you’re alright, Hikaru. Really glad.” Hikaru gives a small, tired smile. 

“Me too,” the smile fades, just a little. “By the way, who the hell is sleeping on our floor?” Jim laughs as quietly as he can, 

“The girl that completely saved our asses and her person.” 

“That’s nice. I’m gonna go back to sleep now.” 

“Okay. Love you, Karu.” Hikaru grins. 

“I know.” Jim kicks at him gently. 

“Don’t you Han Solo me, jackass.” 

“Fine. Love you too, Jim.

 

 

* * *

 

**_106 Days After_ **

 

A few weeks later when everything’s back to normal, the new normal anyway, they get moving again. Now, they have Nyota and Pavel with them, too. 

“So, what do you think of them?” Phil asks Chris, watching the kids run along in front of them. “Pavel and Nyota.” 

“I think they’re definitely both smarter than me,” Chris says with a small smile. Phil chuckles. “I think that they’ve already wormed their way into this little group we have going. And I think I don’t mind at all.” 

“Hikaru, Jim, and Len certainly don’t seem to mind either. They seem like good kids,” Phil agrees. “Might’ve completely saved our asses, too, from the sound of things.” 

“Yeah, I’m definitely not complaining. Guess we just have two more to look after now.” 

“How many kids do you think are out there? Without this, without people to look after them?” Phil asks quietly. 

“Two less now,” Chris says, squeezing Phil’s hand. Phil sighs. 

“Yeah.” 

 

* * *

 

**_249 Days After_ **

 

Everything happens so fast it blurs together. One minute, they’re walking along, listening to the kids’ playful banter. Everyone complaining about how hot it is until Len cuts in saying it was hotter in Georgia. They give him shit briefly before turning the tables on Pavel and teasing him about doing the same thing in the winter. Pavel starts complaining that he is  _ definitely  _ being attacked and then suddenly everything changes. 

Now, Phil is pulling up a kid he doesn't even know off the ground after shoving a  _ dead body  _ off of him. Not to mention the fact that the dead body got that way because Chris had shot whatever was left of that person. 

“Are you alright?” Phil asks the kid. The kid nods vigorously, even though he’s shaking under Phil’s hands. 

“I’m fine,” the kid says in a Scottish accent that immediately makes Phil have about a hundred questions. Len’s suddenly next to Phil, looking the kid up and down. 

“Lookin’ a little shitty for a guy that’s fine. You’re just skin and bones,” Len says. Phil releases the kid, taking a step back to look him over. 

“Food’s been a little hard to find lately,” the kid explains, watching Phil right back. Len’s right in how thin this kid is; it looks like there’s barely anything between this kid’s bones and skin, and his clothes hang off him. He’s absolutely filthy too, so much so that Phil can’t even tell what color his hair is. He looks about Len’s age. 

“We can help you with that,” Phil says. “You’re sure you’re alright?” The kid nods, and Phil nods back before turning around to check on everyone else. 

He finds multiple states of things not being alright. Chris has unceremoniously dropped the gun into the grass and is staring down at his palms. Hikaru’s sitting in the grass not far away, white as a sheet with that glazed look in his eyes, Jim crouched in front of him and holding him by the shoulders. Jim sends Phil a panicked look over his shoulder. Nyota and Pavel aren’t far either, Nyota holding Pavel who has his face buried into her shoulder. Phil goes to Jim and Hikaru first. 

“He just- he just got that look in his eyes and he started, like, falling and I barely caught him,” Jim scrambles to explain. “He hasn’t even said anything.” Phil crouches down next to Jim, grabbing Hikaru’s arm. 

“Hikaru?” Phil asks gently, giving his arm a little squeeze. “Hikaru, look at me. You’re alright. It’s okay, it’s over, Jim and I are right here. Look at me, Karu.” Hikaru’s eyes flicker over to Phil, the glazed look starting to fade just a little. Hikaru gives a small whimper. That must be enough for Jim, who immediately plops himself onto the ground and pulls Hikaru into a tight hug. Phil has to move his hand to not get caught in the middle. Hikaru almost curls into Jim, turning his head to hide his face in Jim’s neck. Phil just catches the  _ I got you  _ Jim mumbles. Phil plants a small kiss on the tops of both of their heads before moving to Chris. 

Chris must have enough awareness to know about Phil’s approach because as soon as Phil’s in front of him he quietly asks; “What did I just do?” Phil grabs Chris’s hands with his own. 

“What you had to,” Phil responds quietly. 

“Are you mad at me for using it?” 

“No. No, you saved a kid, Chris. You might’ve saved us, too.” 

“Phil, I just- I just killed someone,” Chris says, his voice shaking. “I just killed someone.” 

“I don’t think that was a someone anymore.” 

“But they- they were someone. That was someone, Phil, that was a person.” Phil releases Chris’s hands and pulls him into a hug instead. It’s easy to feel just how hard Chris is shaking. “That was a person,” Chris says again. 

“You did the right thing, Chrissy, you did,” Phil promises. “You saved a kid. You protected our kids. You protected us.” 

“I didn’t want to.” 

“I know you didn’t. It’s alright, Chris.” 

“No, it’s not. It’s not okay.” 

Phil figures Chris isn’t wrong. Nothing is really okay. 

 

*******

 

By the time Chris is anything even relatively close to okay, Hikaru and Jim are back on their feet, and Pavel and Nyota have released each other. And evidently another kid has appeared out of nowhere. 

“So,” Len starts once everyone’s attention is directed to him. “This is Scotty,” he gestures to the kid that Chris had saved; “and this is Spock,” he finishes, gesturing to the kid that Phil apparently failed to take notice of earlier. This one’s equally dirty and skinny, but Phil can at least tell his hair is as dark as Hikaru’s. 

“Almost sounds like something out of  _ Star Wars _ ,” Hikaru says, making a half-hearted joke. 

“It’s not,” Spock says, almost sounding a little annoyed. Hikaru’s mouth quickly snaps shut. 

“Uh, anyway,” Len continues. “They need help so…” he looks to Phil and Chris expectantly. Phil nods. 

“They can come with us,” Phil confirms. 

“Great! Let’s get the hell out of here,” Nyota says. There’s a series of quick agreements. The exception being from Spock, who turns to Scotty with something close to a look that says  _ Are you fucking kidding me?  _

“What?” Scotty asks. 

“We don’t know them,” Spock explains with a tone that matches his expression. “They could just kill us.” 

“Okay, yeah, they haven’t yet, though, and they’ve had plenty of opportunity. It’s go with them or starve to death, Spock. You trusted me enough to come with me a few months ago, right?” Spock’s mouth slides shut and he gives a resigned nod. Scotty turns to look toward Phil and Chris. “Lead the way,” he says. 

 

******

 

Chris is watching the new kids from the couch with Phil. Scotty seems to blend right in well enough; he’s already won over Pavel, telling him what sound like insane stories for the past half an hour at least. Spock’s a different story. He seems more withdrawn, a little distrustful of anyone that isn’t Scotty, and all around just quiet. The rest of the kids leave him alone for the most part, Pavel’s busy listening to Scotty, Nyota’s curled up in a chair with a book she found somewhere in the house, Len, Jim, and Hikaru sitting off to the side in a little triangle talking quietly. Jim keeps glancing over at Spock, but so far he hasn’t done much of anything else. 

“So.. Scotty,” Phil starts, sitting a little more upright. Scotty’s head pops up to look at Phil. “How long have you two been on your own?” 

“Well, I’ve never really  _ not  _ been on my own besides having Spock. We ran into each other a few months ago and decided we stood a better chance together,” Scotty explains. “I don’t know about Spock before that, we’ve never really talked about it.” All eyes flicker over to Spock for a moment, but he offers no answer. 

“You’ve been on your own this whole time? How old are you?” Phil asks, sounding roughly about as shocked as Chris feels. 

“Uh… Seventeen. Spock’s fifteen, I think.” Phil sends a quick  _ How in the hell?  _ glance to Chris. “We’re just lucky, I guess.” 

“Sounds like it,” Chris agrees. 

“What’s with your accent?” Jim asks elegantly. Chris uses a lot of self-control not to facepalm. Len and Hikaru both smack Jim. 

“I’m from Scotland. I was here for a student exchange thing,” Scotty explains. 

“So you don’t know what happened to your…” Nyota asks, looking up from her book. Scotty shakes his head. 

“No clue,” Scotty admits quietly. “I suppose they could still be alive but,” he shrugs with a wry smile. “I doubt it.” 

The room grows quiet and stays that way until Jim breaks through the silence. “So… Either of you play chess?” 

“I do,” Spock says quietly. Jim grins. 

“Excellent.”

 

*******

 

Later, when Phil’s wrapped around him in bed, Chris starts to smile just a little. 

“What?” Phil asks, leaning back to look at him. 

“Nothing.” Phil raises an eyebrow at him, silently calling bullshit. 

“It’s just, you know, I never saw myself having  _ one  _ kid. And then the damn world ends and now we have seven.” 

“Just try not to think too much about the why,” Phil mumbles, settling back onto Chris’s chest. 

“It just seems like some sort of cruel, terrible irony.” 

“It is. So why are you smiling about it?” 

“Because if I don’t, I’ll cry.” 

 

* * *

 

**_559 Days After_ **

 

Phil can’t sleep. It’s a side effect of what life is like now. Sometimes there’s a specific reason he can’t sleep but most nights it’s just the fact that his brain won’t shut off. On occasion Chris or one of the kids will have the same problem, giving Phil company, but tonight doesn’t seem to be one of those nights. At least until a small, tired voice makes its way through the crack Phil has left in the window behind him. 

“Phil?” Phil looks over his shoulder to see Hikaru peering out the window at him, a small flashlight in one hand. Phil gives him a small smile. “Can I come out there with you?” 

“‘Course. Just be careful.” 

The window slides open and Hikaru makes his way out onto the roof next to Phil. He has Chris’s jacket on, despite the fact that it’s huge on him. 

“So you’re a jacket thief now, huh?” Phil teases. Hikaru gives him a tired smile and shrugs. 

“It’s comfy,” is his only defense. 

“You okay?” Phil asks. “You look pretty tired.” 

“I couldn’t sleep. I kept having nightmares,” Hikaru explains quietly. 

“Wanna talk about it?” 

“Not really.” They settle into silence. Phil notices after a few minutes that Hikaru is watching the sky. 

“One of the only nice things about what’s happened; no more light pollution. Just the stars as they are,” Phil says. Hikaru nods. 

“I remember one of the first nights after. I was a little freaked out, I didn’t know the stars could look like this,” he says with a smile. 

“You wouldn’t, growing up in the city.” Hikaru grows quiet for a few moments.

“I still miss it sometimes. Home, I mean.” 

“Me too. And Maine, all the time.” Hikaru goes quiet again. “You’re sure you’re okay?” 

Hikaru pulls Chris’s jacket tighter around himself despite the night not being a cold one. He shrugs, not looking at Phil. 

“If something’s wrong you can tell me, Hikaru, you know that,” Phil tells him, watching him with a concerned gaze. 

“I’m gay,” Hikaru blurts, not giving Phil an opportunity to respond before continuing. “I think. Pretty sure. I think I’ve known forever too, but I was scared to tell anyone. I know no one here is going to care, least of all you because you’re  _ married  _ to a dude, but I was still so scared. I  _ am  _ scared. I know it doesn’t make sense but-”

“Hikaru,” Phil intervenes. Hikaru turns and looks at him, an almost desperate look in his eyes. “It’s okay,” Phil tells him gently. 

“I know that, I do, I’m just  _ scared _ .” 

“It’s okay,” Phil repeats again. “It’s okay to be scared, or unsure, or to not want everyone to know. It’s fine. It’s all fine, Hikaru.” 

“But it doesn’t make sense-” 

“It doesn’t have to. Just because it doesn’t make sense doesn’t mean you’re not feeling it. It doesn’t invalidate it in any way,” Hikaru watches him, face slowly softening. “You don’t have to tell anyone else if you don’t want to. You’re right, everyone here would be fine with it. But that doesn’t mean you have to tell them. You wanna keep this to yourself? That’s fine. I won’t tell anyone, not even Chris. Still figuring things out? That’s okay. Turns out you’re something other than gay?” Phil shrugs. “That’s okay too.” Hikaru nods slowly. “Okay?” 

“Okay.” Phil holds an arm out. 

“C’mere,” he says. Hikaru immediately shifts to sit under Phil’s outstretched arm, settling against his side. Phil wraps his arm around around Hikaru’s shoulders and squeezes a little. “I’m glad you told me.” 

“Me too,” Hikaru says quietly. 

“Have you told anyone else?” Hikaru shakes his head. Something warm wraps itself around Phil’s heart as he nods. “Okay.” 

“Do you think my parents would be okay with it?” Hikaru asks after another prolonged silence. Phil smiles.

“I’m positive they would be. Your mom was trying to set Chris and I up from the moment she met us. I’m pretty sure your father was too, but he was at least more discreet in his efforts. They wouldn’t have minded in the least, Hikaru.” 

Hikaru smiles, albeit a little sadly, and leans further into Phil. “I miss them,” he says, eyes back on the stars. 

“Me too,” Phil says quietly. “They were good people.” 

Hikaru says nothing else and watches the sky. Phil doesn’t notice Hikaru has fallen asleep against him until the sky begins to turn a deep purple in preparation for sunrise. He smiles to himself and decides to let the sunrise be what wakes him. 

 

* * *

 

**_607 Days After_ **

 

It’s one of those rare nights that feel normal. In the sense of the way things used to be normal, not the new normal they’ve all become accustomed to. Everyone was in particularly good moods. Dinner wasn’t shit for once. They even played a board game after, one they had found in one of the closets in the house they’re staying in. 

Now, though, Chris and Phil have gone to bed, leaving the kids to their own devices. Which currently only entails laying on the floor in the living room in some sort of dog pile, talking and laughing. Jim has his head on Len’s stomach, Hikaru’s head on his own. Nyota is on Len’s other side, head pillowed onto his chest. Jim isn’t quite sure where everyone else ended up in the pile, and he’s too comfortable to move and find out. 

“Okay, so before everything happened-” Nyota starts.

“Before shit went sideways?” Len asks unnecessarily. 

“Exactly. What were you guys going to be when you got older?” 

“Why does that matter now?” Spock asks from somewhere by Len’s head. 

“It doesn’t  _ matter _ , I guess. I’m just curious. I mean, most of us didn’t know each other before. Just kinda a little glimpse into who we were.” 

“Vell,” Pavel starts. Jim can almost hear his grin. “I deedn’t know what I vanted to do. My father vanted me to be a lawyer, but I can tell you zat vas  _ never  _ going to happen, zombies or not.” Everyone laughs; even Spock gives a small chuckle. 

“Your dad was kind of a jackass,” Nyota admits. 

“You deedn’t have to live with him.” More laughter. “Okay, someone else go.” 

“I was gonna be a surgeon like my dad. Phil thinks I would’ve been a pretty damn good one,” Len says, the movement in his stomach from the words moving Jim’s head around a little. 

“I didn’t know your dad was a surgeon,” Scotty says, almost sounding a little surprised. Len hums in acknowledgement. 

“Trauma surgeon. Damn good one, too.” 

“I think you’d make a  _ fantastic  _ surgeon, Bonesy,” Jim grins. 

“Thanks, Jim. Ny, you go, you started this.” 

“Oh, God, I dunno,” Nyota sighs. 

“You don’t get to start this and then say you don’t know!” Len laughs. 

“Okay, fine. Honestly? I just wanted to travel. That’s it. Learn about other people, other cultures. Learn new languages.” 

“More languages? You already know like ten,” Scotty teases. 

“Four, thank you.” 

“Oh, my bad, she only speaks four languages.” 

“Okay, smartass, you go.” 

“Oh,” Scotty starts with an exaggerated sigh. “You know me, I wanted to be a pizza delivery guy.” 

“Bullshit,” Jim says through a laugh. 

“Yeah, it is. I wanted to be a aerospace engineer. Work on rockets and stuff. Pretty sure we don’t have much use for rockets now, though.” 

“Still cool as hell,” Jim says. Scotty offers no verbal response. “Karu, you’re being quiet, you go.” Jim leans his head up just enough to look at Hikaru. 

“Pilot. Probably join the Air Force. I was, uh, kind of obsessed with planes,” Hikaru says quietly. 

“Kind of? Was? Hikaru you  _ were  _ and  _ are  _ obsessed with planes,” Len says. “You would’ve done great.” 

“I was gonna be his copilot,” Jim grins. “Make sure he didn’t crash or anything.” 

“I wouldn’t have crashed! Well, probably. I guess I could have been a shit pilot,” Hikaru says. 

“Do you two ever go anywhere the other doesn’t?” Spock asks. 

“We did like. Twice. It was terrible.” 

“What were you going to do, Spock? Brood for twenty years?” Len asks. 

“No, thank you. I was going to do some kind research science.” 

“Same thing.” 

“How is that the same thing?” 

“It’s the same thing because I was kidding, Spock.” 

Spock and Len dissolve into their usual bickering. Jim just closes his eyes and listens, knowing that this is more or less how the two of them show affection toward the other. Eventually, he must fall asleep, and everyone else must do the same, because Jim wakes to the sun shining through the windows. Hikaru’s curled up against him, and Jim’s head is still on Len’s stomach. Jim smiles to himself and goes back to sleep for a while longer. 

 

* * *

 

**_957 Days After_ **

 

It takes Scotty a week to get the generator up and running. Everyone keeps telling him that it’s fine if he can’t get it, but he insists he can figure it out. True to his word, he does. It’s late in the afternoon, on what has to be at least the fifth attempt of the day. Chris is watching out the back door with Phil, silently hoping this works because it’d be nice to have some form of electricity for once. Sure enough, the damn thing sputters to life. It’s loud as hell, but Chris can still hear Pavel and Scotty’s whoops of victory over the noise. Scotty falls back on the grass, spread eagle, obvious relief written all over his face. Pavel just jumps around and pumps his fists into the air. 

They scrounge up all the extension cords they can find. They leave the generator on the back porch, snaking cords through the backdoor and into the house. When it the sun finally sets, they can actually turn lights on instead of using flashlights and lanterns. They all celebrate turning the first light on more than they probably should, but Chris figures you’ve gotta take the wins where you can find them. 

They stay up later than they usually do that night, leaving the generator and a couple of lights on. Chris is on the couch, Phil curled up next to him reading a book he had found. The kids are on the floor. Spock and Jim are playing chess (without actual chess pieces, something proving to be incredibly interesting), Pavel watching on with rapt attention. Scotty, Len, Nyota, and Hikaru are playing cards, playfully bickering back and forth. Len’s won yet another game when realization suddenly floods his face and he drops his cards, scrambling up. 

“What?” Chris asks. Len doesn’t answer, instead rushing to the stairs and then up them. 

“Um?” Scotty asks elegantly. Hikaru and Nyota both shrug in response. Scotty shrugs too, gathering up the cards and starting to shuffle them. 

“Hey, Chris?” Len’s voice calls from upstairs. “You held onto your phone, right?” Phil looks up from his book to give Chris a confused look, which Chris returns. 

“Yeah, I did,” Chris calls back. “It’s somewhere in my bag. What about it?” Len doesn’t answer. 

“You kept your phone?” Spock asks, raising an eyebrow at Chris. 

“Not completely intentionally, but yeah.” 

“The real question is what does Len want to do with it?” Phil sighs, sitting upright. 

They get their answer when Len comes thundering back down the stairs, Chris’s phone in one hand and a cord in the other. When all eyes turn to him, he explains. 

“My charger, I held onto it on accident. It was in my bag that first night and I just never threw it out.  _ And  _ since Chris and I had the same phone,” he holds up Chris’s phone. “Hopefully we can get this sucker workin’.” He softens a little. “And just… remember how shit was before, yanno? Look at pictures and stuff. About all it’s good for now.” 

Glances are exchanged around the room. 

“Can we?” Hikaru asks just above a whisper. 

 

*******

 

They spend the next couple of hours looking through pictures on Chris’s phone. Even Spock, Scotty, Nyota, and Pavel stay to look. Chris had had his phone for a few years when everything happened, leading to a large number of pictures and videos. They go as far back as to the time when Jim first started playing baseball and Hyeon beaned him with a ball and accidentally gave him a black eye and as recent as to that last day at the beach before everything happened. 

The kids ask questions sometimes, like where a picture was from or why in the hell Chris had a dozen pictures of different brands of the same spice (Phil had a thing about brand loyalty, but Chris could never remember for the life of him what brand. This meant sending Phil pictures and asking which was the right one when he went to the store by himself.). It makes Chris realize just how little they talk about what things were like before. Spock, Nyota, Scotty, and Pavel hadn’t even known Chris had been a professor until they reach pictures of Chris and some of his students at a few graduations. Part of Chris thinks maybe they  _ should  _ talk about this kind of thing more, but the other part acknowledges the twinges of grief when they find pictures that Hyeon and Areum are in or anyone else that’s probably gone by now. He figures he really doesn’t want to know how strong those twinges can really get.

 

* * *

 

**_958 Days After_ **

 

Chris has given up on trying to go back to sleep when he carefully untangles himself from Phil, intending to go downstairs and find a bottle of water. He somehow doesn’t wake Phil and makes his way past the kids’ rooms as quietly as possible.

He thinks he’s the only one awake until he reaches the bottom of the stairs. 

He hears voices coming from the living room. They’re faint, but recognizable; his own, Hyeon’s. Areum’s and then Jim’s louder than the previous two. He recognizes it as a video Areum had taken on his phone at the beach, when Hyeon was trying to jump onto Chris’s back. 

He recognizes his own distant laugh, followed by Hyeon’s. 

When he peers around the corner into the living room, he can just see Hikaru’s dark hair poking over the arm of the couch and the light from his phone. There’s a lantern on on the other side of the room. 

Chris debates going to him; Hikaru hasn’t noticed him yet. But then he figures if Hikaru had wanted company, he would have woken up Jim, or at least not have been worried about turning the generator back on to use a lamp. Chris retreats to the bottom of stairs, sits on the bottom step where Hikaru can’t see him, and listens as Hikaru plays the video over and over. 

He tries to commit as much to memory as he can. The sound of Areum’s voice behind the camera as she tells Phil what idiots Chris and Hyeon are. The sound of her laughter mixed in with the words. The sound of Hyeon’s voice calling him an asshole and then laughing at the absolute absurdity of what they’re trying to do. How  _ happy  _ Jim and Hikaru sound, something Chris feels they really are far too infrequently now. 

But more than anything, Chris wishes to have all of that back. 

 

******

 

Chris isn’t all that sure how many times Hikaru starts the video over. But eventually, the video ends and doesn’t play again. Chris listens, trying to hear Hikaru, but silence is the only thing that greets him. He sits on the bottom step for a few minutes before before getting up and peering into the living room again. The light from the phone is gone, but Hikaru’s hair is still poking over the couch in the same place. 

“Karu?” Chris asks quietly. When he gets no response, he tries a little louder. “Hikaru?” He walks around to the front of the couch when Hikaru doesn’t answer again. Hikaru’s fallen asleep, Chris’s phone fallen to the couch cushion. His cheeks are red and puffy. 

Chris sighs heavily, picking Hikaru up bridal style as best he can. When Hikaru stirs, Chris murmurs a  _ It’s just me, pal _ which apparently is enough. He turns the lantern off, and carefully carries Hikaru upstairs, putting him back into bed next to Jim. 

He wakes Phil on accident crawling back into bed, despite efforts to do otherwise. Phil rolls over to face him, opening his arms to allow Chris to curl himself into them. “What’s wrong?” he asks as Chris buries his face into his chest. Chris doesn’t answer. Phil holds him anyway, playing with the hair at the back of Chris’s head. They lay like that in silence for a while before Chris says anything. 

“Hikaru was watching the video from the beach,” he mumbles into Phil’s chest. “I sat and listened, I don’t know how long.” Phil stays quiet, moving a hand to rub Chris’s back. “Phil, I would give up  _ so much  _ just to live that day one more time.” 

“I know,” Phil tells him. “Me too.” 

They lay like that until the sun rises and the kids start stirring, neither of them getting any more sleep.  

 

* * *

 

**_988 Days After_ **

 

Jim gives Len his signature shit eating grin before jogging to the front of the pack to Hikaru and falling into step next to him. Scotty does the opposite, dropping back to walk with Len. He holds out half of a granola bar to Len, the other half hanging from the corner of his mouth. Len accepts with a small smile. 

“Thanks, Scotty.” Scotty nods politely with a smile. He pulls the granola bar from his mouth and takes a bite. 

“Jim being a pain in your ass again?” Scotty asks, still with a mouth full of granola. 

“Jim’s always a pain in my ass,” Len responds, taking a bite from his own half of granola bar. 

“But he’s your pain in the ass.” 

“Exactly.” Scotty smiles again, though there’s this knowing look in his eyes that Len doesn’t understand. He raises an eyebrow at him. “What?” Scotty shakes his head, still with that same look. “Scotty, c’mon, what?” Scotty slows, putting distance between them and the rest of the group. 

“How long have you been in love with him?” Scotty asks, quiet and casual. Len sputters and nearly chokes on the granola left in his mouth. 

“I’m not-!” he starts, but Scotty just looks at him with a pointed, knowing look. Len sighs, looking away. “How did you know?” Scotty shrugs, eating the last of his granola bar. 

“Just do. It’s the way you look at him, I think.” 

“The way I look at him?” Scotty nods and swallows the last of his granola. “Care to elaborate?” 

“You just… have this look in your eyes when you look at him, even when you’re downright pissed at him. I don’t know how to describe it. It’s like…. There’s something especially soft there, just for him. It’s how my parents used to look at each other. It’s how Chris and Phil look at each other, too.” 

“You won’t tell anyone, right?” Len asks, feeling his cheeks turn a little red. 

“‘Course I won’t tell anyone. I think you should tell Jim, though.” 

“What?! No! I can’t tell him!” 

“Why not?” 

“He’s my best friend, Scotty.” 

“So?” 

“So I’d like it to stay that way.” 

“Who says it won’t?” 

“Scotty…” Len starts through a sigh. 

“He could like you back, you know,” Len looks at him like he has four heads. “What? He could. Never know until you say something.” 

“Even if he does, what does it matter? It’s not like we can go and settle down somewhere with a fuckin’ white pickett fence and make a life out it. Doesn’t mean it’ll last either.” 

“So what because you can’t make a normal life out of it it’s not worth it? This  _ is  _ normal now, Len. If it doesn’t last, it doesn’t last. I would like to think you and Jim could get over a romantic relationship not working, you’ve been friends long enough to know  _ that  _ works fine.” 

“We’re  _ teenagers _ , Scotty, I don’t think this should be as big a deal as you’re making it.” 

“Yeah, teenagers in a world where you might not make it to see twenty. Something could happen two hours from now, or two days from now, or two  _ years  _ from now. Not a second is guaranteed, especially not here. I just think you should tell him, Len. You don’t want to regret  _ not  _ telling him later. Just…. consider it, okay?” Scotty claps his on the shoulder before jogging to catch back up with the group. Len hangs back for a few minutes, thinking about their conversation, before he’s met with Nyota’s call of  _ Hurry up, slowpoke!  _ and jogs back to the rest of the group. 

 

* * *

 

**_990 Days After_ **

 

“Anything?” 

“No. No, not yet.” 

“Damn. Area’s running dry, Phil, we’ll have to move soon.” 

“We still have the garden. We have a nice water supply too. Not to mention that house is damn close to a fortress when we want it to be.” 

“If even a portion of that garden fails, we’re screwed. The house works against the dead, not the living. We get another desperate group through here-” 

“Chris, that was  _ months  _ ago. We haven’t seen another soul since. Not a living one, anyway. And keep your voice down, the kids will hear you.” Chris gives a sigh, pushing a door open with his foot. The door leds to a dining room with nothing of interest.  “Besides, it’s risky moving with this many people. Kids especially.” 

“But they’re not kids anymore, Phil. Not really. This world kinda ruined that.” Phil sighs, opening a cabinet. Chris walks back over to him. “I’m just saying maybe we should take the chance while we have it. We have a good food buffer right now, it’s the right time of year. It’s never  _ not  _ going to be risky. Everything is risky now.” 

“I just don’t want to move until we absolutely have to.” 

“If we don’t move until we have to, then it’s already too late,” Chris holds a hand out for the couple of cans Phil has managed to find in the cabinet. Phil sets them into his hand. “Just think about it.” 

“Where would we even go, Chris? Further north? The winter’s cold as it is,” Phil says, pulling open another cabinet. 

“I don’t know, I guess we just start-” 

“Dad?” Jim’s voice calls from the top of the stairs. Phil turns to look at Chris, getting a look that says  _ we’ll finish this later _ . 

“Down here, Jim!” Chris calls back. Jim and two other sets of feet come thundering down the stairs and turn into the kitchen. Jim appears in the doorway, Hikaru and Len hot on his heels. 

“Tell me you’ve had better luck than we have,” Phil says, turning to lean against the counters. 

“Food wise? No, that’d be lying and I’ve been told not to do that,” Hikaru says with a smirk. 

“Alright, smartass, what did you find?” Phil asks. He’s smiling. 

“Well, like Captain Smartass said, nothing edible unless you find yourself having a craving for bar soap or tampons,” Len says, stepping around Jim into the kitchen and shrugging his bag off his shoulder. He unceremoniously dumps it onto the island between he and Chris and Phil. True to his word, the contents of the bag is full of things that are necessary, but completely inedible. 

“There’s clothes and blankets up there too. Didn’t know if you’d want them or just want to come back for them if we needed them,” Jim adds. Chris shrugs. 

“Leave them for now, I guess. We can come back. Unless there was something up there you don’t think you could go without.” The three boys in front of him shrug. Apparently nothing caught their attention. 

“Where’s the others?” Phil asks. 

“Scotty took Pavel out to the shed with him. Spock and Ny are down in the basement, I think,” Jim says, nodding towards the hallway behind him. Len and Hikaru nod in agreement. 

“Alright, I’ll go round ‘em up. We’re gonna have to start heading back soon if we wanna make it before the sun goes down. You three stay here and help Phil with the rest of the cabinets,” Chris instructs, walking around the island. “And pick up your inedibles off the island,” he adds, giving Len a smack on the arm as he passes. 

“Yes, sir,” Len responds, unable to hide a somewhat smug grin. Chris makes it a point to ruffle Jim’s hair as he passes. Jim yelps and frantically tries to fix his hair. 

“You suck,” he tells Chris as he exits the room. 

“Yeah, but you don’t want to know what,” Chris responds with a smirk. 

“It’s me,” Phil says nonchalantly, like he’s telling the boys what he had for breakfast. Chris laughs, and three separate sets of absolutely disgusted noises and Phil’s laughter follows him down the hallway. 

 

******

 

Jim’s walking in the middle of the group with Hikaru and Len. They’re all talking over each other, like they usually do, and Jim’s long since forgotten what they were even originally talking about. Phil’s in front of them with Nyota and Pavel, probably trading languages like they always do when they’re together. Scotty and Spock are behind them, talking about something that Jim only catches snippets of and doesn’t understand in the least. His dad’s in the back, bringing up the rear, probably just watching everyone else. 

Jim’s listening back, ignoring Hikaru and Len, when he notices Scotty and Spock’s footsteps stop. Jim halts his as well, turning around to look. 

Chris, Scotty, and Spock have all already turned around, backs to Jim. Chris seems to be watching the road they just left.  

“What is it?” Spock asks as Hikaru and Len come to halt as well. Chris doesn’t answer for a few beats. 

“Nothing,” he says, despite the fact that he sounds far from sure. “Just could’ve sworn I heard-” 

There’s a loud crack, and then chaos ensues.

Chris falls to his hands and knees. Jim tries to rush forward towards him, but Len catches him, holding him back. Jim tries to fight his way out of Len’s arms. 

“Let me go! Let me go, Bones! Dad!” Jim yells. He’s not even that sure if Chris can hear him; everyone’s yelling. “Dad!” Another loud crack, and wood splinters off a nearby tree. 

Chris tries to push himself up but can’t seem to do so. He presses a hand to his side. Jim can see well enough to know his palm comes back bright red. 

“ _ DAD _ !” Jim screams, fighting against Len even harder. 

Phil is there suddenly, stopping on front of Scotty and grabbing him by the shoulders. Jim just hears the instructions of  _ Get them out of here _ . Wood explodes out from another tree.

“No! No, we’re not leaving!” Jim screams as Phil goes Chris. He immediately starts unstrapping the shotgun from Chris’s backpack. “Phil! We’re not leaving! Dad! Dad!” Len’s trying to pull him away. Scotty spins Spock around and pushes him a little to get him to start running in the opposite direction of Chris and Phil. “We’re not fucking leaving! Dad!” 

Jim just barely manages to break loose of Len, the back of Jim’s head connecting with Len’s nose. But Scotty grabs him as he tries to run. 

Phil’s gotten the shotgun out and is aiming over Chris’s shoulder to where the shots at them seem to be originating from. 

“Let! Me! Go!” Jim starts fighting again. Scotty’s trying to push him away. He’s saying something about having to leave, but Jim doesn’t care in the least. “Dad!” 

Chris must finally hear him. “Jim, go! Just go!” he shouts back. 

And then Len has a hold of Jim too, and Jim doesn’t stand a chance on staying. He turns to run with them as Phil fires off his first shot. 

He’s not sure how far they run, or where they’re running to. Branches and brush smack his face and drag across the bare parts of his arms and his legs. They turn several times. Hikaru trips and falls at one point, but Spock drags him up and he starts running again. 

When they finally stop running, it’s in a clearing where the sun is shining clearly through the trees. Any other day it would probably be beautiful. Not today, though. Scotty’s stopped right in front of Jim, breathing heavily, hands on his hips. 

A wave of anger suddenly makes it way through Jim. He holds onto it. 

Jim plants his hands onto Scotty’s back and shoves. “You fucker!” he shouts. Scotty stumbles a step.

“What the fuck, Jim?” Len asks, turning toward Jim as Scotty regains his footing and does the same. He’s got blood trailing from his nose where Jim headbutted him. Scotty waves Len off. 

“Jim, I’m so-” Scotty starts. 

“Don’t you dare tell me you’re fucking sorry! Don’t you dare!” Jim snaps. The remainder of the group has turned toward them. “You made us leave them behind!” 

“We had to-” Nyota starts, but Scotty waves her off as well. 

“I got him,” Scotty says. He doesn’t seem bothered in the least, which just pisses Jim off even more. “We had to leave, Jim. Phil and Chris were both telling us to leave. We could’ve-” 

“I don’t care what could’ve happened! I don’t care if we could’ve died, you fucking coward! We could’ve helped them!” 

“There’s nothing we could have-” 

“There’s a million things we could have done, Scotty! You know that! You’re just telling yourself that so you don’t feel fucking guilty! You may believe it, but I don’t!” 

“That’s fine. You can be pissed at me all you want, but we need to keep moving and try to-” 

“Oh so now you’re in charge?! You probably like that, don’t you?” 

“Jim, would you just  _ think  _ for two seconds?”

“I’m thinking just fine, thanks. You planned this from the beginning, didn’t you? Wait for an opportunity and then take charge! Great plan!” 

“That doesn’t make any sense, Jim,” Spock argues. 

“You know I wouldn’t do that,” Scotty says softly. 

“Bullshit! You wanted to leave them!” Jim accuses. 

“Jim-” 

“They’re probably dead now, and it’s you fault! It’s your fucking fault!” Jim charges at him and manages one solid punch to the side of Scotty’s face before Len grabs him and pulls him away. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” Len demands, spinning Jim around to face him. Jim tries to pull away from him, but Len just tightens the grip he has on his arms. “Get it together, Jim! You don’t get to be a fucking asshole right now.” 

Jim can hear Pavel behind him asking Scotty if he’s alright. 

“He’s fine,” Jim answers, shoving Len off him. Len glares. 

“I’m fine, Pasha. We need to start moving again, try to figure out where we are,” Scotty says. He still sounds completely unbothered to Jim. 

“Agreed,” Len grumbles, pulling his shirt up to wipe the blood off his face. “Let’s go.” 

 

*******

 

“You should have gone with them,” Chris tells Phil through clenched teeth. 

“They’ll be okay, Chris. They know what to do,” Phil assures him, adjusting the hold he has on him. He silently hopes he’s right, not wanting to think of what being wrong would mean. 

“Where are we going?” 

“We are finding some shelter so I can patch you up. I don’t particularly enjoy you bleeding on me, Chrissy,” Phil tells him, even though he’s trying to ignore the fact that Chris is bleeding in the first place. 

“How bad is it?” Chris makes something between a grunt and a groan of pain. 

“You’re gonna be fine.” 

“That doesn’t answer my question.” 

“I don’t know how bad it is yet, Chris.” 

“It’s a gunshot wound, Phil, it can’t be-” 

“Christopher, do  _ shut up _ .” Chris does as he’s told. 

Phil leads them into a house on the edge of the neighborhood they had just come from, not even bothering to check for any possible inhabitants. The front door opens straight into the living room, and Phil deposits Chris onto the couch. Chris leans heavily into the arm of said couch. His white shirt is a deep red along his side, and he’s pale. 

“Can you get your bag off by yourself?” Phil asks him, shedding his own bag into a chair and unzipping it. 

“I think so,” Chris responds. Phil nods. 

“I’ll help you with your shirt.” 

“You usually at least ask first.” Phil looks over his shoulder to see Chris giving him a small smirk, slipping off the remaining strap of his backpack. Phil knows Chris is trying to make him feel better, but it’s not doing much. He turns back to his bag, digging the mylar blanket from the bottom, most of what had previously sitting on it spilling to the floor. 

“Chris?” 

“Yeah?” 

“I, uh, I don’t have anything to numb you with. Or any pain meds that’ll make a difference. And I’m gonna have to stitch you up.” 

“So it’s gonna hurt like a bitch,” Chris says quietly. “Yeah, I get it. It’s okay, Phil. Do you even have anything to…” he trails off. 

“You remember when I kept that fishing line Pavel found a few weeks ago and you asked me why I did?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Yeah. It’ll have to work. And I’ll have to use a straight sewing needle, which will suck a little. I’m gonna put this blanket down because it’s probably at least a little cleaner than the floor, and you’re gonna lay on it, and I’m gonna clean out whatever you have going on there and then…” 

“And then I pass out?” 

“Probably yeah,” Phil confirms quietly. “I’m sorry, Chris.” 

“It’s okay, Phil. It’s okay. There’s…. No guarantee this will work, is there?” Phil bites his bottom lip, trying to ignore the burning in his throat. 

“No. You’re… You’re bleeding a lot. Could’ve hit an organ. I can’t uh. I can’t fix that.” Chris takes a deep breath. 

“Okay. Okay. Let’s do this.” 

 

*******

 

“Okay, what the hell?” Hikaru demands, dropping into step next to Jim. Jim scoffs. 

“What, you gonna come yell at me now, too?” 

“Yeah, I am. You’re being an asshole, Jim! None of this is Scotty’s fault and-” 

“Bullshit it’s not his fault! He made us leave we could’ve-”

“We could’ve gotten shot, Jim! We left so we wouldn’t fucking die!” 

“What about Dad? What about Phil? Huh?” Jim demands. “We could’ve  _ helped them _ .” 

“Maybe, or maybe we could’ve  _ died _ , asshat! They were both telling us to go!” 

“So?! We fucking left them, Hikaru! You don’t do that shit! That’s, like, rule number one!” 

“We did what we had to do, and it’s not Scotty’s fault! And you know that, Jim!” 

“Scotty made us leave!” 

“No, Jim, he made  _ you  _ leave. The rest of us were already working on it.” 

“Yeah, because you don't have a fucking clue what this feels like!” 

“Don't have a-? Jim! Everyone else here? Their parents are already dead. My parents are dead, Len’s parents are dead, Scotty’s parents are dead! You're the only one to make it this damn long! You’re lucky!” Jim can see Hikaru’s getting so angry that he’s cheeks are turning red. Right now, he doesn't care though. “And you're not the only one who’s feeling this! You think anyone else wanted to leave them either?! For Christ’s sake Jim, I don't know a world without them in it! Chris and Phil have been around since before I was born! Everyone else here loves them too, and you know that! You fucking know that, Jim! You don't get a monopoly on this hurting!” 

“They're not your fucking parents, Hikaru! They are-” Jim stops for a moment, feeling the anger falter. It nearly collapses into pain. Nearly. He finds the anger again. “They  _ were  _ my parents! No one else’s! My dads!” 

“That doesn't mean we don't know how this feels!” 

“You don't! You don't know how this feels! I just watched my fucking dad get shot!” He stops, immediately regretting what just came out of his mouth. Hikaru stops too, turning to face him. The look on his face makes Jim want to disappear. He’s pissed. Hurt. And there’s just a hint of the glazed look that was around for so long after everything happened. 

“Yeah, I wouldn't know anything about that, would I?” Hikaru asks icily. 

“Karu…..” Jim starts, reaching toward him. Hikaru steps away. 

“Don't touch me,” he says in that same tone. He turns back around and walks away, past even Scotty at the front of the group, leaving Jim standing there feeling like absolute shit. 

The rest of the group has stopped and turned as well, watching Jim. He gets an assortment of less than pleased looks. Len is the first to turn away, scoffing a little as he does so. The rest follow in slow succession. Nyota’s the last to turn away, hard gaze lingering on Jim for several moments after everyone else has turned away. 

Jim stays in the rear and a few feet away from the group with his head down as they continue walking. He figures at least no one can see him crying. 

 

***********

 

This can certainly be marked down as the strangest experience Chris has ever had. He’s somewhere between confused and terrified. He thinks he might be dead. Maybe. But then again he’s not all that sure what he’s looking at. Actually, he knows  _ exactly  _ what he’s looking at, it’s just confusing the hell out of him. Because Chris is staring at… himself? 

He’s heard of out of body experiences, of course he has, but he was never sure what to make of them. 

And now he’s having one. 

He’s gotta be dead. Or completely insane. One of the two. 

He’s staring at  _ himself _ . Really truly staring at himself. Not that this is how he remembers things last. For one thing, Phil seems to have finished his fishing wire stitches. And now he’s sitting at Chris’s head, Chris’s head in his lap, holding one of his hands. Somehow, Chris feels  _ none of it _ . 

Which, really, can not be a good sign. 

He can hear Phil, though. Sort of. It’s like he’s listening from another room. It’s muffled and Chris only catches clear syllables here and there, his name usually. It’s not until Phil turns his head just right that Chris can see he’s crying. 

_ Oh, you’re definitely dying,  _ his brain tells him. Chris really should not feel that small wave of relief that washes over him. He knows how selfish it is but that doesn’t stop him from feeling it. He can be done with all of this. 

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing, Christopher?”

Chris knows  _ exactly  _ who said that, and it certainly was not Phil. He doesn’t turn to look; he’s too afraid to. 

“You don’t get to do this, Chris, I’m not going to let you,” the voice continues. Chris turns then because he needs to be sure. 

Hyeon is staring back at him from the doorway. 

Arms crossed over his chest, trying to keep a hard expression. The second Chris makes eye contact it falters. 

_ This cannot be Hyeon,  _ his brain argues. But it's got to be, it has to be. Chris is staring into the same dark brown eyes and even after almost three years of not seeing them are so familiar.

When Chris pulls his own eyes away and looks Hyeon up and down, everything is right. 

The little bit of stubble from his determination to have a beard, even though every time he would shave it before it got there because it was coming in too patchy. 

His favorite hoodie, the one Chris had gotten him for his birthday what seems like forever ago. A size too big, worn, and older than Hikaru.

His dark hair sticking up in a few different directions because Hyeon could never keep his hands out of it. 

Even the way he’s  _ standing  _ is correct. Legs apart, just a little, his feet almost turned outward. 

“Hyeon,” Chris breathes. Hyeon’s hard expression breaks completely and his face softens. He drops his arms to his sides. 

“We don't have a whole lot of time. If you don't make your decision soon it's going to get made for you,” Hyeon tells him, taking a step towards him. “And you've gotta make it out of this, Chrissy.” 

“What if I don't want to?” Chris asks, following Hyeon’s lead and taking a step toward him. He can't help the way his voice cracks. “What if I just want to be done with all this, Hy?” 

“No. You have the chance to  _ fight _ , and you're going to fucking take it.” Hyeon’s still walking toward him. “You’re not dying today.” He stops right in front of Chris. “You don't get to give up.” 

“Hy-” Chris starts, reaching out for him. Hyeon flinches away, crossing his arms over his chest again, though this time it seems more protective. 

“I don't think we can touch,” Hyeon explains quietly. “I don't… really exist. Not the way you do.” 

Chris reaches out again anyway. Hyeon seems to brace himself. But Chris’s hand makes contact with Hyeon’s arm.  _ This  _ he feels. He can feel the fabric of Hyeon’s sweatshirt under his hand, his arm in the sleeve. It’s  _ warm  _ and  _ solid _ . 

Hyeon drops his arms and grabs Chris, pulling him into tight hug. 

Chris tries to commit all of this to memory. The feeling of Hyeon’s hands on his back and  the feeling of the corner of Hyeon’s glasses digging into Chris’s neck when he briefly lays his head onto Chris’s shoulder. The way he somehow smells the same as he always did, like cologne and the restaurant all wrapped into one one. The sound of Hyeon’s voice when he says  _ Jesus, Chris _ like he’s barely holding it together. 

Chris can’t help the little sob that escapes, either. 

“I don’t want to go back,” he tells Hyeon through tears. “I don’t want to go back, Hy.” Hyeon pulls away, and grabs Chris by his shoulders. 

“You have to. You have to go back.” 

“No, I don’t, you know I don’t,” Chris insists. “I don’t want to-” 

“This isn’t about you, Chris!” Hyeon interrupts, shaking his shoulders. “This can’t be about you.” Chris just stares at him, gripping the sides of his sweatshirt. “You get a  _ choice _ , Chris. I didn’t. You’re not wasting this.” 

“Hyeon-” 

“You promised me, Chris,” Hyeon says, both a determined look and tears in his eyes. “You  _ promised  _ that if anything ever happened, you would take care of Hikaru, right? You promised me. You promised Areum. You don’t get to leave him, too, Chris. He’s been through enough.” That’s enough to stir some guilt in Chris. He looks away, trying to avoid Hyeon’s gaze. “No. You fucking look at me, Christopher!” Hyeon grabs Chris’s chin and turns his head back to him. Chris reluctantly meets his gaze again. “You do  _ not  _ get to do this. You don’t get to leave Jim. Or Phil. Or Len. And you sure as hell do not get to leave my son.” 

“I’m not you, Hyeon,” Chris says in a small voice. This time it’s Hyeon who looks away, biting his bottom lip. He turns back to Chris with a couple of tears running down his face.

“You think I don’t know that? That doesn’t mean he doesn’t need you. You… You are the only one that knows what he’s feeling, Chris.” 

“No, I don’t, I didn’t see-” 

“Chris! You know what I mean. You know what I’m trying to say. Hikaru  _ needs you _ . My boy needs you, and you are not walking out on him.  _ Your  _ boy needs you, Chris! Jim needs you. This would destroy him and you know that just as well as I do.” Chris looks away again, down to his shoes. Hyeon lets him this time, letting go of his chin. Chris releases Hyeon’s sweatshirt and drops his hands. “Chris, I can’t-” Hyeon stops as his voice cracks. Chris watches him shift his feet. “I can’t be there to watch my son grow up, Chris. Not like I should. I can’t- I can’t give him a hug, or run my hand through his hair like I did when he was little, or tell him all the things I wanted to when I thought I still had all the time in the world. I can’t even tell him I love him, Chris.” It isn’t hard for Chris to tell how close Hyeon is to losing it completely. “You can! You can go back and you can do all of those things with Jim. Please, for the love of God, do not throw that away. Because it will never feel like you did it enough. Do you know how much I’d be willing to give for any of that?” 

“He knows how much you loved him, Hy. He does.” 

“That doesn’t mean I don’t wish I could tell him one more time. Just… one more time.” 

Chris lifts his head again to the sight of Hyeon wiping his eyes. “Hyeon….” he starts slowly. But Hyeon shakes his head, dropping his hands down. 

“And Chris, if you love Phil even  _ half  _ as much as I always thought you did… You won’t do this to him. Phil wouldn’t survive you dying. Especially not now. Look at him.” It’s only then that Chris realizes he can’t hear Phil anymore. He turns and looks at him, like Hyeon said. 

Phil’s now bent over so much their foreheads are almost touching. He’s got both of Chris’s hands in his own, and Chris can tell how hard he’s crying. Chris looks away when his stomach twists in guilt. He looks back to Hyeon. 

“What about you?” Chris asks quietly. Hyeon gives him a small smile. There’s still tears in his eyes. 

“Don’t worry about me, Chrissy. I’m not going anywhere.” 

This time it’s Chris that pulls Hyeon into a tight hug. 

“You knew, right? How much I cared about you. How much I loved you. We didn’t say it a lot.” 

“Of course I knew. I still know,” Hyeon mumbles into his ear. 

“And Areum?” 

“She knows, Chris. God, she knows everything.” Chris gives a small, broken laugh. Hyeon pulls away, pulling his arms from around Chris. “I love you too, Christopher. We both do. That’s why you’ve gotta go.”

“I don’t know how, Hy.” Hyeon gives another small smile. 

“Just focus on pretty boy. Chris?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Thanks for being my best friend.” 

 

********

 

Chris awakens to the dull roar of pain in his side and the feeling of Phil’s lips on his forehead. He opens his eyes and immediately finds Phil’s. Phil gives a small, relieved laugh. 

“Hey, you,” he says through the tears still running down his cheeks. 

“Phil,” Chris says weakly. He grips one of Phil’s hands. 

“Right here, Chris,” Phil assures him, squeezing his hand. 

“‘M sorry.” 

“For what?” Phil asks him gently. Chris doesn’t answer. He justs lifts his head enough to see where Hyeon had been standing. There’s only air. 

He cries as hard as his body will let him. Phil doesn’t understand, not really, but he holds him anyway. 

 

******

 

Figuring out exactly where they are proves easier said than done. They’re quickly losing light, which isn’t helping, and absolutely no one can seem to find a way out of the damn woods. Scotty and Len have been leading for the most part. It’s not that either of them know what in the hell they’re doing, it’s just that they’re the holders of the map and a compass. Neither of which are seeming to help things. 

“Your cheek okay?” Len inquires to break the silence they’ve been holding for a while. 

“I’ll be fine, Len, thanks. Your nose?” Scotty answers. He will be fine, that’s true, but judging by the fact that Scotty’s cheek is already swelling and bruising, Len knows it has to hurt. 

“Yeah. He didn’t break it. Still throbbing a little here and there, but I’ll be alright. Think I ruined my shirt, though,” Len answers with a small smile. Scotty chuckles. 

“Maybe just a little.” 

“He didn’t mean it. Jim, I mean. All the stuff he said. He just… Doesn’t know how to deal. I’m not saying you shouldn’t be pissed at him but-” 

“I’m not mad at him,” Scotty intervenes.  “He might have just lost his parents. Needed to get that out somehow. I’m not about to hold it against him.” 

“Do you think they’re alive? Chris and Phil.” Scotty sighs. 

“I hope so.” 

“Think we’re gonna figure out how in the hell to get home?” Scotty gives him another smile. 

“We’ll figure it out. Hopefully before the sun goes down.” 

“Doesn’t leave us much time.” 

“Little bit of a challenge, that’s all. You can handle those, right?” Scotty teases half-heartedly. 

“Yeah, I can handle it.” 

“Good. Let’s do it then.” 

 

*******

 

Despite Phil’s protests, Chris insists on trying to get back to the house. Phil knows he’s hoping the kids are there waiting, because Phil’s hoping the same thing himself. Phil finally relents, making Chris promise him that he’ll tell him if it gets to be too much. Their progress is slow, but Chris never does so. They make it shortly after dark, Phil holding Chris up with one arm and holding a flashlight with the other. They’re greeted by silence and darkness. 

“They’re not here,” Chris mumbles. “They’re not here, Phil. They had plenty of time to beat us here.” 

“Maybe they circled back to look for us,” Phil says hopefully. He doesn’t even believe himself, though. Chris must not either. He doesn’t say anything. “Come on, let’s get you inside.” 

Chris complies, but stays silent. Phil doesn’t say much else either. There’s not much to say. They both know what this could mean. 

There’s a deep stirring of guilt starting in Phil’s gut. 

 

******

 

They walk with flashlights for a while before deciding that it’s really not helping much of anything and agree to resume in the morning. They find a small clearing, Scotty and Len start working on a fire, and Jim makes himself scarce. He finds a fallen tree at the edge of the clearing, hops to the other side of it, shrugs his bag off and makes himself comfortable against it with his back to the rest of the group. He doesn’t really want to be alone, but he figures none of them really want anything to do with him right now. He doesn’t blame them. Hikaru and Scotty especially. 

No one bothers him for what feels like ages. Jim takes it as being proven right. He swallows the feeling that he’s just managed to lose everyone he cares about in one night.  

The fire’s been crackling behind him for a while when a backpack drops next to him. Hikaru follows quickly behind it, pushing the bag out of the way to sit. He sits so close that he and Jim are nearly rubbing elbows. Jim doesn’t dare look over and make eye contact, though. 

“I’m sorry,” Jim says quietly. “For what I said. It was stupid, I wasn’t thinking. If you’re still mad, I get it.” 

“I know. I’m sorry, too,” Hikaru intones just as quietly. “What I said was a pretty shitty thing to say, too.” 

“You were right, though.” Jim watches Hikaru shake his head out of the corner of his eye.

“Doesn’t make it alright.” 

“Yeah, it does. I was being a jackass. You had every right to say everything you said. Dad and Phil are like your other parents and I just wrote that off. I was angry, and I took it out on you. I shouldn’t have, and I’m sorry.” 

“Maybe they’re okay. Maybe they got out of there.” Jim wants to believe that. He really wants to believe that, but he can't.

“Maybe,” he mumbles anyway. He changes the subject as to not think about it. “Are we good, Karu? Is everything… okay between us?” Hikaru answers by leaning his head onto Jim’s shoulder. “I really am sorry,” Jim apologizes again despite that fact. Jim sighs when Hikaru doesn't answer, leaning his head against the top of Hikaru’s. “I miss him too,” he admits quietly. “Your dad, I mean. And your mom. I know it's not the same way you do but…. I do.” 

“It's not the same,” Hikaru agrees. “But it's pretty damn close. You were basically their other kid. They loved you, you know?” Jim smiles. 

“Yeah. I know.” 

“You know how you used to call my mom ‘mom’ sometimes as a joke?” Jim nods. He can hear the evidence of a smile in Hikaru’s voice. “She loved it. I heard her tell Dad once. She knew you were kidding but… she figured you meant it on some level.” 

“I did.” 

“I know you did.” Jim smiles to himself again. 

“Do you remember that time we spent the day with your dad? My dad was out of town doing some conference or something and Phil was working so I came to your house for the weekend. And your parents figured if they left us alone we’d burn the house down which, honestly, was completely valid. So your dad stayed with us. And we made that  _ enormous  _ blanket fort.” 

“Took up the whole living room,” Hikaru says next to him. Jim can still hear the smile, but his voice sounds tight, too. 

“We used every blanket in your house, whether it was to build it or nest inside. And your mom came home and found us asleep in there, me on one side of your dad and you on the other, using him as a pillow even though there were a dozen actual pillows in there.” 

“She took a picture. It was Dad’s phone background for  _ ages _ .” Hikaru laughs wetly. “And then all four of us camped out in there for the night because no one wanted to clean it up.” 

“I know it's kinda stupid but.. That was one of my favorite days, I think.” 

“No, no it's not stupid,” Hikaru tells him, just above a whisper. Even so, Jim can tell he’s trying not to cry. “I miss them so much, Jim.” Jim slides an arm around his shoulders. 

Jim doesn't say anything when he feels Hikaru start to shake. Hikaru returns the favor of silence when Jim does the same. They're just there, and that's what matters. 

 

* * *

 

**_991 Days After_ **

 

The sun’s just starting to come up. Chris has been sleeping. Phil’s been keeping watch. He keeps the front door open, though, so he can hear Chris on the couch. Even before Chris is asleep, they keep up on not saying much of anything. The most they talk is when Phil finds antibiotics and pain meds in their stockpile to give to Chris. Phil wants to comfort Chris, assure him that the kids are fine and that everything will work out, but he doesn’t even believe that himself. That doesn’t stop him from watching for them, though. 

He’s checking on Chris for what must be the hundredth time when he notices. He goes to Chris, intending to check him for a fever and maybe run a hand through his hair while he’s there. Chris is on his side good, facing the couch, leaving Phil easy access to his bandage. His hands are tucked up by his chest. He mumbles something in his sleep and twitches a little. The movement is enough to draw Phil’s attention to his hands. He notices Chris is holding something. He quickly realizes that Chris is holding one of the polaroid photos that they’ve been carting around for ages.

Phil doesn’t even have to look to know which it is. There’s only one with all the kids in it. 

Spock and Scotty had only been with them a few months when they found the camera. Scotty had been the one to find it. A polaroid camera, one of the new ones made from when they were becoming popular again before everything happened. It didn’t work at first, but Scotty said he could fix it, and he did. They even found film to go with it. The next few days were spent using up the film, and they taped all the pictures to the wall in the living room, at least until they moved again. There was only one with all seven kids in it, and Chris had taken it. He had come down to the living room one morning, and found all the kids asleep in a heap. He took a picture and put it in his bag, or sometimes a pants pocket, where it had stayed until now, because now Chris was holding it. 

The guilt that slams into Phil makes him dizzy. He goes back out the front door, shuts it behind him, and quickly makes his way away from the house. 

When he gets to what he deems to be far enough, he collapses to his knees and sobs. 

For Jim and the way he seemed to be able to get along with just about anyone, even when the damn world was ending. 

For Hikaru and his eternal, unwavering loyalty to anyone he cared about. 

For Len, always trying to be the tough guy but somehow always being gentle when it came down to it. 

For Pavel, always eager to please and eager to learn anything and everything. 

For Scotty, the eternal optimist that could fix anything he could get his hands on. 

For Spock and his quiet intellect, and the way those rare little smiles could light up a room. 

For Nyota, never afraid of anything or anyone, at least not enough to stop her from whatever she put her mind to. 

All just kids.  _ His  _ kids. Kids that deserved so much better.

Kids that Phil’s just killed, however indirectly it may be. 

He should've gone with them. He should've protected them. 

But then, going with them meant leaving Chris to die, didn't it? 

Certainly seven lives meant more than one, though, even if the one was the love of Phil’s life. 

And Chris could still die, couldn't he? 

He could start bleeding internally. Phil couldn't fix that, not here. He could get an infection in spite of the antibiotics Phil’s giving him. There would be next to nothing Phil could do about that either. 

He had sacrificed seven lives to  _ maybe  _ save one. 

He sobs so hard he can barely breathe. He’s pretty sure he screams at one point. 

Eventually it stops, though, leading to just numbness. 

Phil ignores the sun shining down mockingly, pushes himself off the ground, and goes to check on Chris again. 

 

*******

  
  


They’re moving again before the sun is completely up. Len and Scotty take the lead again, Jim and Hikaru take the rear. 

“What do we do if we can’t find our way back?” Hikaru mumbles to Jim. “Or if we do get back and Chris and Phil really are…” he trails off. 

“We just do our best, I guess. Over half the group’s been on their own before, we’ll figure something out,” Jim mumbles back, even though he’s really thinking something more along the lines of  _ We all die _ . He looks over to Hikaru, who’s already looking back at him. His expression is easily read, at least to Jim. Fear, grief, just a little bit of confusion. Jim wordlessly holds out his hand, which Hikaru takes. Jim gives his hand a small squeeze before turning his head back toward the others. 

 

******

 

They’ve had to have walked at least a couple of miles when Scotty halts suddenly, the rest of the group having to follow in quick succession lest they all run into each other. 

“What?” Spock asks. Scotty shushes him. 

“Listen,” Scotty says urgently. 

“Is that running water?” Nyota asks after a few beats pass. 

“Yeah, I think it is,” Scotty responds. “And if it is, I might just know where we are.” He breaks into a jog. Jim and Hikaru exchange a look, release each other’s hands, and fall into a jog behind everyone else. 

“Vhere are ve going?” Pavel calls up to Scotty, jogging just in front of Jim. 

“Home, hopefully!” Scotty calls back. 

They don’t go far before hitting the creek, nestled down in between two high banks, one of which they’re standing on. Scotty spins around with a grin. 

“I know where we are,” he says. He points to a tree downstream that looks more like two trees intertwined with each other. “We passed that tree once walking out here. I remember because-” 

“Because you and Phil stopped to look at it,” Nyota intervenes. “Yeah, I remember!” 

“Exactly! We’re only a couple miles upstream from the house. We just follow the water back!” 

“Oh, thank god,” Len says. “Thought we were gonna be stuck out here forever.” 

Hikaru turns to look at Jim, the same question he had asked earlier still in his eyes.  _ What if Chris and Phil aren’t there?  _ Pavel’s the one to voice it out loud. 

“Vhat eef… Ve’re on our own now?” he asks in a small voice. 

“We’ll be alright, Pasha, even if we are,” Scotty promises quietly. “We’ll figure it out.” Pavel gives a small nod. 

“We should get…” Spock starts before trailing off. “Did you hear that?” 

The group falls silent,  listening. Voices carry through the trees, just loud enough to be heard. 

“You don’t think that’s…” Len asks, looking to Spock. 

“If it were Chris and Phil they’d be calling for us,” Spock says. 

“How the fuck did they find us?” Len hisses. 

“Look down,” Nyota says. Everyone obeys. All of their shoes are coated in mud. “It rained yesterday, in the morning. We’ve been leaving a trail this whole fucking time.” 

“Why didn’t they attack us last night then?” Hikaru asks. “They had plenty of opportunity to.” 

“They probably stopped too, just now caught up to us” Jim mumbles. He looks to Len as best he can. “What do we do?” 

“We get the hell out of here, that’s what we do. We can walk in the creek, no trail then,” Len explains, already preparing to hop down into the creek bed. 

“The trail’s still gonna lead them straight here, they’ll still fine us,” Scotty argues, shaking his head. “They’ll lose the trail in the creek, sure, but they’re going to walk downstream before they walk upstream.” 

“What are you saying?” Spock asks. 

“I’m saying someone needs to draw them away,” Scotty explains. He takes in a deep breath. “I’ll do it.” 

“The  _ hell  _ you will!” Len bursts. Scotty shushes him, so Len lowers his voice. “They’ll kill you.” 

“Only if they catch up to me.” 

“They have a  _ gun _ , Scotty.” 

“And judging by their skills yesterday, they’re pretty shit shots. I’ll be okay, Len.” 

“Fine, but I’m coming with you.” 

“You’re not coming with me, we’ll just slow each other down.” 

“You can’t do this,” Pavel cuts in. “You can’t.” 

“I can, Pavel. I can and I am. We don’t have time to argue about it. I’ll meet you back at-” 

Jim’s floored with the sudden urge to do something, and a feeling of dread over the thought of just standing there and letting Scotty go on a suicide mission. 

“No, Scotty, you can’t,” Jim says desperately. “I know I said a bunch of shitty things to you yesterday and I know you’re probably pissed at me for them, but  _ please  _ don’t do this. I’m sorry, alright? I’m sorry I yelled at you and said it was your fault. I’m sorry I punched you. Please, Scotty, come with us. We can outrun them!” Scotty’s face softens, just a little. 

“Jim…” he starts. 

“Scotty, please. We can’t lose you too.  _ I  _ can’t lose you too,” Jim tells him, voice cracking. 

“You’re not going to. I will meet you at the house, okay? I’ll see you there.” Jim opens his mouth to say something else, but Scotty cuts him off. “And I’m not mad, Jim. About what you did.” 

The voices are getting progressively closer. 

“Get out of here,” Scotty says, turning back toward Len. “Stay in the creek until you get to the house, alright?” 

“Scotty-” Len tries, but Scotty cuts him off too. 

“I love you,” Scotty says, eyes scanning across all of them. “All of you. Go.” 

And then he takes off into the trees, toward where the voices seem to be coming from.

Everyone’s gazes turn to Len, who takes a couple of seconds to collect himself. 

“Let’s go,” is all he says, hopping down into the creek bed, water splashing up as he does so. The remainder of the group follows. Jim’s last, stopping to look back to where Scotty ran back into the trees. “Jim, come on,” Len says softly. Jim hops down into the creek behind Hikaru.

 

******

 

They elect to run after putting a bit of distance between themselves and where their trail left off. Jim’s not exactly sure how long they’ve been doing so when a series of gunshots echoes through the trees. Everyone comes to a halt immediately. Everyone that’s still there, anyway. Len spins around, scanning faces. 

“Wait, where the fuck’s Pavel?” he demands. “Where did he go?” 

“He was right behind me!” Hikaru says, spinning around to look behind him. 

“He’s not now! Did he fall or something? Why was he in the back anyway? He’s the fastest runner out of all of us, besides Spock maybe.” A look of realization settles on Len’s face. “Oh, he didn’t.” 

“He went back for Scotty,” Spock says for him, turning around to face everyone else. Nyota pales a few shades, turning into what’s becoming a small circle. Hikaru turns back around, joining as well. 

“Of course he did,” Jim says quietly. “Scotty’s like his big brother.” 

“You don’t think that was…” Hikaru asks. 

“We’ll wait here and find out,” Len says quietly. “As long as we can, at least.”

 

******

 

Len’s starting to get antsy when Pavel finally comes running from where they had come from. Nyota takes off to him, meeting him half-way and wrapping him into a hug. 

The second Len sees Pavel’s crying is the second he knows Scotty isn’t coming back. 

The feeling makes him dizzy, so much so that he has to grab onto Spock’s arm. Spock doesn’t even look at him, instead now watching Pavel who’s blubbering in Russian. 

When Pavel finally just collapses into sobs, Nyota looks at the rest of them over her shoulder, tears in her eyes. 

“He said he caught up to Scotty, but Scotty made him leave. He looked back, and Scotty was watching him. It was just enough time for those jackasses to find Scotty and-” she stops, voice cracking. She shakes her head. “Pavel says they didn’t see him. They were too...  _ preoccupied _ .” 

Len can feel Spock shaking just a little under his hand. Jim and Hikaru both turn to him, both of them looking somewhere between scared and confused. Len would love to be able to break down right here, but he knows they don’t have time for that. 

“We need to get out of here,” Len says quietly. “They know there were more of us, they’ll start looking.” 

Jim’s the only one to really give him a response, nodding numbly. 

They start moving as soon as they get Pavel to calm down. Len feels about a thousand pounds heavier. 

 

*******

 

They’re trudging up to the house when Len stops suddenly. Jim, having his head down and not paying attention to much of anything, runs straight into him and stumbles backwards. “What the hell, Bones?” he demands. 

“Holy shit,” Len says under his breath. It’s the only response he gets. The rest of the group screeches to a stop behind them. 

“Is that….” Nyota starts only to trail off. Jim peers over Len’s shoulder towards the house. 

It’s Phil. 

Sitting on the porch, leaning forward with his head in one hand, elbow on his knee, Chris’s shotgun leaning against the house next to his chair. 

He hasn’t noticed them yet. 

Jim damn near shoves Len to the ground to get him out of the way, breaking off into a sprint towards the house. 

“ _ PHIL! _ ” Jim screams. 

More of the group, breaking out of the shock, start running behind Jim. Phil’s head shoots upright. He realizes what’s going on and nearly leaps off the porch. 

Jim collides with him with enough force to nearly knock both of them over. 

The thought of  _ where’s Dad  _ occurs to Jim briefly, but he shoves it to the side as he buries his face into Phil’s shoulder, not sure if he wants to know the answer. 

Phil’s never hugged him harder in his life. 

The hug quickly turns into a much larger jumble of bodies. Jim’s pretty sure even Spock sneaks in at some point. Everyone’s talking at once, he’s not really sure who is saying what or if anyone is even speaking in full sentences. He never loosens the grip he has on the back of Phil’s t-shirt, who must not mind because Jim never gets peeled off. Which is perfect really, because he doesn’t want to let go of Phil. Letting go of Phil means looking, looking for Chris who  _ isn’t going to be there _ , and facing the reality that surviving any type of serious injury now is a small miracle, especially when you’re still under fire and- 

One of Phil’s hands returns to his back. “Jim…” 

_ He’s gonna tell me, he’s gonna tell me, he’s gonna tell me. _

“Look at me, Jim,” Phil says Jim shakes his head as vigorously as he can without lifting it.  _ If I lift my head up you’re going to look at me and tell me my dad’s dead please just a few more seconds of not knowing…. _

“Jim.” It’s not Phil this time. It is, though, enough to make Jim lift his head and loosen his grip on Phil. 

His dad is staring back at him. Looking like shit, but he’s  _ there  _ and he’s  _ alive _ . 

Jim moves glacially, sliding out of the pack of people that have gathered around he and Phil. In all honesty, he’s afraid to believe Chris is there, fearing that somehow the moment he accepts that Chris  _ is  _ here, he’ll somehow disappear into a puff of smoke. 

But the Chris holds out his arms, and Jim practically folds himself into him. He can’t help the small whimper and few tears that escape. 

“We thought you were...” Jim mumbles into Chris’s shoulder. 

“I know, I know. We were starting to think the same about you,” Chris responds, hand rubbing Jim’s back. “I’m okay.” 

“Where’s Scotty?” Phil asks, just loud enough to hear. 

Jim turns from Chris just enough to see the rest of the group. They all exchange glances. Phil’s still counting heads, hoping he’s wrong. Spock tries to back away from the rest of the group, probably hoping to get away from any emotional display, but Nyota just follows him. Hikaru pulls Pavel into his side, the younger’s bottom lip quivering. Phil looks to Len, who’s standing with Phil’s arm draped around his shoulders. 

“He’s….” Len starts. He takes a deep breath and tries again. “He, uh,” his voice cracks this time. The smallest quiver starts in his bottom lip. 

“He’s dead,” Hikaru finishes, quiet, barely controlled. It’s the first time any of them have said it out loud. 

Len ducks his head, trying to hide his face. He’s never cried in front of them before. Phil pulls him gently into him, and pulls his head down onto his shoulder. 

“Okay,” Phil says gently. “Okay.” It’s not hard to tell by his voice he’s having a hard time maintaining composure. Len tries to take a deep breath, but it just turns into a sob. Jim just catches the look Phil gives Chris over his head. There’s grief. A lot of it. But there’s more guilt. He almost looks like he’s trying to apologize to Chris. Jim’s never seen this exact look on Phil’s face before. He turns back into Chris and buries his head back into his shoulder, trying to will for the first time in a long time that none of this is real. 

 

******

 

It takes a while to get the kids to go inside. Len takes most of that time to stop crying, Jim doesn’t want to peel himself away from Chris, and no one else is about to leave either. But Chris and Phil finally manage to coax them inside, promising they’ll be in after them in just a few minutes. It takes Phil less than thirty seconds after the kids get inside to break down. 

Chris goes to him, holding him the best he can. Phil buries his face into Chris’s neck and sobs. Chris doesn’t shush him; he has every right to be crying like he is. He doesn’t tell him  _ it’s okay _ , because it isn’t. Chris doesn’t even tell him  _ It’ll be okay _ , because he’s not that sure of that anymore. The world is ending, already over more or less. They can’t protect themselves. They can’t protect the kids. 

“I’m sorry, Chris, I’m so sorry,” Phil sobs. Chris doesn’t have to ask what he’s sorry for. He pulls Phil closer, and buries his fingers in the hair on the back of Phil’s neck. 

“It’s not your fault, Phil,” Chris promises gently, starting to cry himself. Because it is their faults isn’t it? They didn’t protect their kids. 

“I should’ve gone with them, I should’ve protected them,” Phil insists. 

“It might not have made a difference. It’s not your fault.” Phil doesn’t say anything else, just sobbing and clutching Chris’s shirt. Chris leans his head into Phil’s shoulder and does much the same thing. 

They’re both too distracted to notice the front door opening, or footsteps coming down the wooden porch steps. Chris does notice, though, when an arm wraps around his back and another head presses into his arm. And when then the process continues until Chris is positive that every kid is currently wrapped around he and Phil. Phil quiets just enough for Chris to hear Hikaru’s soft voice. 

“You don’t have to do this alone. Not this time,” he tells them. 

That makes Chris cry harder, for another reason entirely. 

 

*******

 

It’s the kind of quiet that no one wants to tread on, most likely because none of them have a damn  _ clue  _ as to what to say right now. Chris supposes he should have seen this coming eventually. That he should see the fact that they made it this far without something like this as a miracle. He doesn’t, though. He just sees it as something else that never should’ve happened but did, because apparently the universe has turned on them completely. 

Jim shifts closer to him, pulling Chris back into the world. Jim lets out a small yawn, leaning his head onto Chris’s shoulder. Hikaru’s already asleep, curled up on the other side of Chris with his head in Chris’s lap and Chris’s hand running through his hair. Len’s sticking close to Phil, currently sitting next to him on the floor against the wall on the opposite side of the room. Pavel and Nyota aren’t far away either, Pavel sitting between Phil and Nyota and leaning heavily into the latter. Spock’s withdrawn, sitting alone in a corner, not looking at anyone. 

No one has acknowledged the absence in the room. Not until Pavel suddenly breaks right through the silence. 

“Ve should go back for him,” he says in a small voice. Phil looks up and makes eye contact with Chris. They both know there’s no way they can go back, and they don’t even know if there’s anything to go back  _ for _ . “Ve shouldn’t just… leave him out there.” 

“Pasha....” Chris starts. 

“We can’t. It’s… too risky,” Phil says. 

“What do you mean it’s too risky?” Jim asks, his head coming off of Chris’s shoulder. 

“We’d have to split up again, Chris can’t move that far. Splitting up doesn’t exactly have a good record with us.” 

“Eet’s not very far, eet vouldn’t take long,” Pavel pleads. 

“Pavel, those guys could still be out there, we don’t know where they went after.” 

“Ve can’t just leave him out there!” Pavel insists, pushing himself up to stand. Spock does the same, quickly excusing himself and heading right for the stairs. Jim and Len share a glance before getting up to follow him, Jim hesitating only a little, glancing back briefly at Chris.

“Pavel…” Phil says quietly. 

“Eet’s Scotty,” Pavel begs. “Ve can’t just leave him!” Phil stands as well, going to grab Pavel for a hug. “No! Ve have to go back for him!” Pavel insists, trying to push Phil away. Phil persists anyway, staying silent. Pavel tries to push him away again, his attempt weaker this time. He’s starting to cry. “Ve have to, ve have to, ve have to,” he repeats, even as his head ends up buried into Phil’s chest and he starts to sob. “Ve have to!” 

Eventually, Pavel’s words just get lost in his sobs. Nyota stands, crying as well, and hugs him from behind, hands ending up on Phil’s back. 

Chris figures it’s probably a good thing Hikaru somehow manages to sleep through it. 

 

* * *

 

**_992 Days After_ **

 

Len must have fallen asleep at some point. Jim is no longer pressed into his side, a feeling Len’s all but forgotten, and he doesn’t remember Jim getting up. The light outside has changed as well, showing the wee hours of the morning. Sitting up and looking around tells him nearly everything else is the same. The exceptions being Phil is notably absent, the sliding door to the balcony is now cracked open, and Jim has placed himself on the bed and curled against Chris’s good side. 

The vague remains of a nightmare are enough to make Len not want to go back to sleep. Instead, he stands and wraps his blanket around his shoulders, and decides to investigate the balcony. He treads lightly, careful as to not wake the others. He nearly trips over Hikaru, who is apparently too exhausted to even notice. He figures he should feel the same, but doesn’t put too much thought into why he doesn’t. If he’s right, he’s not alone in not getting a whole lot of sleep. 

Len pushes the door as quietly as he can, just enough for him slip through. His presumptions are proven correct when the sight of Phil sitting against the house greets him. He steps out on the balcony and slides the door shut before Phil notices him. 

“What are you doing up?” he asks quietly. 

“Could ask you the same question,” Len responds, maintaining his stance by the door. 

“You could,” Phil agrees. “But I have a feeling that our answers would be pretty similar.” He nods to space next him. “Gonna come sit?” Len nods after a moment and makes his way to Phil, sitting down and making himself comfortable next to him. Neither of them talk for what has to be at least a few minutes. Len finally breaks the silence. 

“How’d you make it out?” he asks quietly, knowing Phil will know what he means. Then, after a beat adds; “Honestly.” Phil shrugs and shakes his head. 

“Honestly? I don’t know, Len. I really don’t. I have no clue. What I did… Probably should not have worked. I don’t know why it did. Or how,” Phil sighs, rubbing his face with his hands. “I don’t know how Chris didn’t bleed out. I don’t know how he isn’t showing signs of some raging infection. I don’t even know how we got to the point that I could even patch him up. I mean, Jesus, those guys were still fucking shooting for crying out loud.” He stops and shakes his head, like he suddenly remembers who he’s talking to. “Sorry. You probably didn’t need to hear that. Or  _ want  _ to hear it.”

“Doesn’t matter. You and Chris aren’t doing this alone this time, remember?” Phil gives him the smallest shred of a smile. 

“Yeah, I remember.” 

“How bad was it? We thought for sure you were both….” Len trails off, figuring Phil can put together what he means. 

“Bad. It was bad. I, uh, I thought the same thing about Chris for a while. He’d lost a lot of blood, I couldn’t even begin to imagine how  _ un _ sterile everything I just did was. And then he-” Phil cuts himself off and shakes his head again. “Doesn’t matter. I thought whatever bit of luck we’d had had finally just… run out.” 

“Obviously it matters if you started to say it. Especially if made you think that…. Well. Yeah.” 

“It’s… Not something you need to worry about.” 

“It is if  _ you’re  _ worried about it,” Len counters, turning to look at Phil. Phil gives a resigned sigh and rubs his forehead with one hand. 

“He said something about Hyeon. I’m not even sure what it was, I just caught his name. He kept mumbling like he was talking to someone, but I couldn’t tell what he was saying. Needless to say it… wasn’t exactly a good sign.” 

“He thought he was talking to Hyeon?” 

“I don’t know, maybe. That’s what I’m thinking. We haven’t talked about it; I don’t even know if he remembers. Your brain can make you think a lot of things when you’re dying, though. Certainly wouldn’t be that wild.” There’s silence for a few moments. Len’s trying to wrap his head around this, and he thinks Phil might be doing the same. Finally, Len asks the question that keeps pushing to the front of his mind. 

“Should Chris even be alive?” he asks, just above a whisper. Phil turns his head and looks at him, probably debating his answer. 

“Medically speaking? Probably not. I really don’t know how he is, Len. But I’m not about to question it either.” It’s the answer Len was expecting, but that doesn’t stop his stomach from doing a little flip. He wordlessly leans into Phil, who just as silently wraps an arm around him. They sit like that for a while before Phil finally breaks the silence. “I’m sorry I didn’t go with you,” he says quietly. 

“I’m not. Chris would’ve died without you, Phil.” 

“I know. But Scotty… I should have been there to protect you guys.” 

“But what about Chris?” Phil doesn’t answer. “We don’t blame you, Phil. It’s not your fault.” 

“I know you don’t,” Phil says quietly. “It just… Doesn’t seem fair. There’s no right answer. Either way…” 

“Someone dies,” Len finishes when Phil doesn’t. 

“Yeah. Yeah. Either way, someone dies. It’s not right. It’s not fair. Nothing about this is-” Phil shakes his head. 

“It’s all bullshit.” 

“It’s all bullshit,” Phil agrees. They lapse into silence again. Len doesn’t dare break it, at least not for what feels like forever. But eventually, he can’t hold back. 

“Phil?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Do you still believe in any kind of god or higher power or anything?” Part of Len thinks it a stupid question, but the other half needs to know. Phil sighs, leaning his head back against the house and suddenly looking decades older. 

“Not anymore.” 

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.... This is my baby that I accidentally created. I walked into this thinking it would be around 5K and obviously that was VERY incorrect. Regardless, I'm proud of what I've done here. And besides, I now have a couple of new universes in my head and some new characters to love sooo IT'S FINE.  
> I would also like to take a moment to thank Gracie and Ravie, my two favorite enablers and my biggest supporters through this whole thing. Thanks both of you for letting me yell about this fic and sometimes yelling about it right back! Ily you guys   
> But yeah so. Here it is! Thanks so much for reading <3


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